Yesterday I had a bad trigger and decided that I was not going to spare WH's feelings and not tell him about it. Why should I keep it to myself? But I tried to mitigate it a bit by sending the following to a non-work email address so he wouldn't necessarily be at work when he saw it:
This morning when I was heading out the door I took a look around the living room.
I saw our couch, and pictured you having sex with her on it.
I saw the console behind the couch, and thought about how you bought it with her and used her Crate & Barrel discount for it.
I saw our end table and thought about how you bought it at IKEA coming back from a trip with her.
You were building a life with her IN MY HOUSE. It was my house too! Was it just YOUR house in your mind? Did I not exist? When did I become some minor inconvenience, some speed bump to the life you wanted to have?
I thought you and I were building a life together. I thought we bought nice things for US, when really it was just for you. I was just there to scoop the litter, wash the dishes, edit your resume, do your taxes. You were happy to have me around to do the actual work of maintaining a life, and having her around for the fun stuff.
So today I get the following in response:
Not true...but thanks for this during my trip right before my interview...
Yeah, well, DDay was all of 30 minutes before I was supposed to set up a video conference of all the executives at my work. I was shaking, hysterical on the inside and forced to shove it all down and be completely professional. I had to stand there and fake being cheery and get my shit together to get a complicated setup done with the brand new knowledge that my my M had been a lie for the past three years pounding in my brain and in my heart.
So pardon me if I don't exactly have a lot of sympathy for WH feeling bad for being reminded of all his wrongdoing!
We have had several late night and early morning HARD discussions that have left both in tears. Well WW's eyes really show when she has been crying and has commented about it. Feels a bit uncomfortable about going into work. However she has NEVER complained or said couldn't we wait for a better time.
Um, can't you list that stuff on Craigslist and get it the eff out of your house? I'd rather sit on the floor.
Take some proactive measures. You'll feel better. Promise.
How about, 'My ThreeYearFool, I am so very sorry. I am here interviewing for a job because I want to get away from any and every trigger that pains you. I'm so glad I got your email just before my interview, so that I could be reminded of how important it is that I make this change. I've called my friend/brother/neighbor and asked him to come and help you today, so think about what you want to do with that furniture. If you're looking for it, the ax is in the garage. Don't forget to wear safety glasses.'
There, that wasn't so hard, was it?
(And yes,that would have been a wonderful response to get.)
Is there a single BS that ever received that response from their WS?
Or a WS that remembers giving a similar response?
I am NOT being sarcastic, TRUELY I am not. I am dead serious in that would have been the perfect response, but really has anyone ever received anything close to that after sharing the feelings that TTYF shared with her Husband?
Please do share that story!
((( TTYF))) I am sorry you are hurting!!!!!!
Because his nerves were shot from being around his ex and because he felt he couldn't help himself and help me at the same time.
Led to an argument because I get tired of the constant waiting for him to decide it's "a better time".
I think your WH sounds like a victim. Poor him.
Probably he felt in a rush and impulsively fired off a response.
About 2 months after DDay, when I was still checking up on FWH a lot, I got off of work early. And I had the uncontrollable urge to physically check for his car where he worked. We had installed tracking software on our phones, and it showed him at work, but still, I had to see the car because his ONS took place during “working hours” and phones can be left anywhere.
I drove up to his work and his car was not in the normal place. I drove to the back of his lot and into his parking garage (where he had never parked to my knowledge) and no car. So I parked in the visitor’s parking and called him. He answered. I asked him where he was. He said at work. I said, I’m in the visitor lot and I couldn’t find your car. He said, I parked in the parking structure, not in my normal place. I said, I just drove through it and didn’t see your car. I’ll be right out, he said.
He walked out, got into the passenger’s side of my car, and directed me back to the parking structure, took me up the hidden-to-me driveway to the 3rd story, and showed me his car. Then showed me how to get out it was a bit complicated. I drove him back to the door. All of this was done matter of factly, as if it was completely normal for me to show up and need to see his car that very moment. And before he got out of the car, he took my hand, apologized for being the reason that I felt that I needed to check up on him, and told me that any time I needed to check on him, to be comfortable in doing so. He told me he love me, kissed me, and went back into work. I drove home, trigger having been completely disabled. Never checked up on him at work again. And that is one of the reasons when, it got really, really rough again, I am still here with him next to me.
And that is, IMO, the only kind of response that a truly repentant WS should give. So TTYF, hold his feet to the fire and don’t accept anything other than the consideration that you are DUE. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
No empathy, no understanding, no remorse, no support, and no apology - but he can manage to find a touch of sarcasm and entitlement.
[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 4:58 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]
