I worked my tail off that night. If I wasn't helping a scared parent figure out how to manage their vomiting kid, I was cleaning up dog puke or managing my own vomiting kid. I had 10 calls waiting in que the whole night, the house smelled, and the laundry was piling up right before my eyes. It was horrible.
I know now that they had found each other and reconnected on FB (she was an old GF from before we met). They hadn't "graduated" to texting/phone calls yet, but were PMing via FB. I'm sure there were lovey dovey "Happy New Year" messages shared that night...meanwhile I was busting my ass working, trying to keep it together at home -- alone with a sick kid and a sick dog.
Later he would tell her how lazy and unmotivated he thought I was.
I really didn't expect entering to my first "Affair Season" to be so hard.
But it certainly seems fairly common even with much progress to back side or have harder days as anniversaries approach. Not sure what I can offer other than to say you have been heard and I hope it gets easier for you. I will say days that I know are going to be an issues go easier if I mention it to WW before hand. I also think it is typical that WS do not dwell anywhere close to as much as we do, so a gentle reminder can help.
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell
although I know the day they last had sex on - Dec 11
Yea, I feel the same way. My WW and my xBFF (we were friends for over 30 years) had an on again, off again affair that started around July 2012 and ended December 2012.
According to everything I've read (400+ emails and texts) and both their confessions to me, I have been told it was oral sex up until around the first week or second week of December when SHE asked HIM to have unprotected intercourse. According to her he refused to not use a condom.
This was apparently the last time they were together sexually although I know for a fact that she was at his house a couple days before d-day, 22nd December.
As you can imagine, this past year has had a number of "calendar events" in my mind... August when the first got intimate... October when they broke it off... End of November when SHE went looking for him... First weeks of December when they had intercourse and coming up in 4 days, the day I found out and my life fell apart.
The original post struck me though. And brought bad memories of me being at home taking care of kids the pets and the home while WW was out with OM. She was across the country and completely out of touch. Many times staying at a motel (that my wages paid for) or at OMs house or at her mothers house.
There is a feeling of loneliness that goes with those memories. Brings to mind a old rhyme.
Where are you tonight I wonder
And where will you be tonight while I cry
Will the sleep to you come easy
While alone I cannot slumber
And will you bring in the morning
At another ones side.
Its sad. I have no advice. But I can tell you that I feel this in my heart to this very day.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Sometimes I just feel these waves of shock and sadness that this the state of our marriage.
I've given up all that I have to become one and build a life with him. My career, my body, my money...all the while, feeling that I was joyfully sacrificing for the greater good of our family.
Meanwhile, he's built a solid reputation for himself in his career, and he'll graduate next year with a 4 year degree to make a career change. He's building a retirement while my position offers no benefits at all. I finished school before we married and was completely self-sufficient...looking back, he got a pretty awesome package if I do say so myself.
And this is what we've become?
I sacrifice everything and give myself wholly to him alone while he built a collection of other women.
He said they had sex 3 times in Nov. but he doesn't remember when exactly.
I remember looking at him on Thanksgiving last year and feeling like I was so in love with him. Now I feel like a fool.
I remember going up to his work and she was there and she went out of her way to see me.
I remember when he wanted me to meet her and she came to our house to hang out and sat really close to him and ignored me.
I remember seeing his phone on Christmas eve and seeing he called her while out getting meds for our son while the family was on vacation at the local waterpark.
Then my birthday is in January and so is her's.
I remember her getting pissed at him because I asked him not to talk to his 'bestie' on my birthday.
I remember him going out to lunch with her for her birthday because I told him I was uncomfortable with it because married men shouldn't go on lunch dates with other women.
Then it will be D Day antiversary 1 in May.
The whole damn year sucks now.