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Really hate this time of the year

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knolls posted 12/18/2013 19:58 PM

My husband has his work party tonight. Yes she is there. No I'm not as it is a Union Employee party and my husband is a manager there and goes every year. He did say he wouldn't go if I asked him not to. But it is important that he is there as he does so much negotiating and arbitrating with the union I told him to go
You guessed it I'm having a really hard time. So when I do I scour his emails. Put in her name. Put in love, you get the idea. Well tonight I found one that was new to me. Not a new email. Just one I hadn't found before. It was for flowers in June. I have no proof who they went to. But I know I didn't get them. And as I can't verify I know he'll have some person that he had to send them to.
But my issue is when does the need to dig dig dig go away. When can I move on. When can I be healthy and not have triggers with each holiday anniversary or just a reminder. I am tired of wasting so much of my time and energy being this person. We decided on R. We are working on it so much. But I still have sticking points.
Thanks for listening.

unfound posted 12/18/2013 20:03 PM

don't knwo why we pick at the scabs.. but it's a common thing. Sometimes it just fades, sometimes it gets so exhausting we stop, sometimes it's our gut telling us we missed something, sometimes there has to be a conscious effort to just stop. pick one .

Dare2Trust posted 12/19/2013 03:32 AM

I have to ask:

Are you 100% sure this is/was an "Employee Only...No Spouses Allowed" party?
This seems odd to me - that spouses would not be invited to A HOLIDAY PARTY.

In my opinion -- If OW is there; your WH needs to find an acceptable "excuse" to not attend; if you cannot be there!

[This message edited by Dare2Trust at 3:33 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]

knolls posted 12/19/2013 08:29 AM

It was a Union Party. My husband is management. He is invited as a guest. And that invite does not extend to me. I'm ok with that. It's been that way for 28 years my H has worked there
My issue is me. I know this is the time they started entering the slippery slope last year. But what am I going to gain by keep obsessing about it. Keep looking for more info to hurt myself with. This is not productive to either of us. I like the analogy of a scab. I talked to my H about that last night. I am trying to stop. To stop all negative actions and to be healthy for myself.
As an aside. She didn't go. There was a party last week as well that was company wide. Not just Union and she didn't show for that as well. Part of me likes to think that was because she was weary that I would be there. I had been there a few days before for a function. She didnt work that day but her best friend did and heard multiple times how wonderful I looked. I am trying to be healthy in all ways for myself. But let's be honest. She's a woman who cheats with married men while her H and dtr are home. I doubt she has any thoughts of how I look or feel!

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