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Newest Member: Brokeninnm38 (61788)

User Topic: Sometimes, there is truth in wine
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Mostly, itís smart to Not Go There when youíre having a drink or two, but sometimes, there is truth in wine.

FWH came home tonight, feeling stressed and with daemons on his back. Woke up feeling displaced. Went to work, triggering, over former abusive work situations. Feeling headachy and stomach churning. Feeling for the first time, in a long, long time, like running away. Heading to the strip clubs. Wanting to just check out and be pandered to.

And came home to a home-cooked meal, good smells, a bottle of wine, and a smiling wife. I had a somewhat bad start to my day, but with a text from him and then enough time to get my work together, it turned into a good day. So I cooked dinner for him as a surprise, since he does most of the cooking.

So we finished prepping dinner, and he told me about his day. And I hugged him, and we shared our day. Had dinner on trays watching Jeopardy. Afterwards, he told me he wasnít feeling up to anything ambitious, and I suggested we both get our computers and just flake out. So, heís playing Civilization next to me and Iím here. Interesting way we have to ďflake outĒ on our computers, eh?

And during that, we start to talk. He is still somewhat agitated, thoughts chasing around his brain. And I look at him, and I see my dearly beloved husband in pain. Saying Thank-You for being with me. For marrying me. For sticking with me. In a spontaneous upwelling of love, I look him dead in the eyes and say, it was your post-DDay actions that made it possible for us to be here today. And tell him,

You took responsibility for your actions, even when you were almost leveled by your clinical depression.

You put my needs above your own, even when you were unable to articulate what you needed.

You never once, blamed me for your transgressions. Yes, we had our problems and we failed each other, but you never, once, pretended that your descent into porn, strippers, cam girls, etc., was ever anyone elseís fault but yours.

And that led into a conversation about my father not liking me or wanting to be around me. He shared about his dad being borderline alcoholic. We talk, and *listen* to each other. And then, jointly, decide that itís time for us to digest and draw apart. Next to each other, keeping company, but separately processing.

And he goes back to playing Civilization, and I am here, talking to y-all. All in all, an exceptional night.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((skan and mr. skan)))

God is with you both. I am blessed by having read this post.

wonderful post....thank you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:03 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lovely. But I don't think it was in the vino where the veritas was - it was in the two of you.

BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


And I agree with Blobette .

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

Posts: 55130 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Skan. Something I needed to read after what I consider a small set back in our lives I can't lose sight. You always came back w more of the good fight in you.

Thanks again for sharing

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy for you (((Skan)))

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 28 years/Together 29 years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

Posts: 2489 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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