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She's Angry

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TimeToManUp posted 12/19/2013 09:06 AM

Incredibly so. I'm not complaining, not whining. It's just the fact of the matter. I've given her plenty of reason to be. Not much has gone right to otherwise boost her spirits.

I haven't been consistent. I've hurt her by doing things she explicitly tells me hurt her.

Second antiversary is this Sunday. She will have her period just to put that extra special touch on the day. She will likely be bleeding through Christmas.

This past Thanksgiving I told her that we could go to her bother's house instead of spending the day with my family. Of course they have now decided to start spending Thanksgiving with HIS SIL in D.C. So all of her family is gone and she was left here with just me.

Now we used to go to her brother's beach house for NYE, but this year, of course, they decided to fly out to California to be with their parents. The same brother who would ridicule TCD about how she was acting like a big baby when her parents decided to leave, because she was sad and didn't want t them to go. Yeah, it's real easy to be so bold when you make 250k a year, have plenty of time off and can afford to wing your family off on a whim. So they will be gone from Christmas through New Year's Day.

So now TCD is left here with just me and my family for the holidays. I am who I am, I did what I did. My family has been anything but supportive of her. I made the horrible choice of telling my mom about the A without discussing with TCD, and it was a mistake right from the first minute. I asked my mom to apologize to TCD for some of the things she said and her passive aggressive behaviors about the whole thing, and her "apology" was blame-shifting and condescending, really just making things worse. These are the people who she gets to "celebrate" Christmas with.

I told her we could skip Christmas Eve with my family, but she doesn't want to take the kids away from my family.

The holidays are going to suck. There's no doubt about it. They obviously suck a whole lot worse for her. I fucked up big. This sucks, and I made it suck. Fuck me... All I want is for there to be joy in her life.

LosferWords posted 12/19/2013 09:27 AM

TTMU - How about trying to start a new tradition of some sort this year? Is there a time slot sometime next week where you can do something fun with just you two and the kids? Maybe it could become a yearly thing.

We've kind of started doing that in the last three years. Sure, we have the stuff with extended family, but that can get tedious and riddled with FOO issues.

During the week of Christmas, we have a couple of places that we like to go, just as a small family, no extended family involved. The first year or so was a bit bittersweet, but now it is becoming more sweet than bitter.

Just an idea, take it or leave it.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there, and keep working/posting. I'm rooting for both you and TCD.

Aubrie posted 12/19/2013 09:32 AM

I vote new tradition. Even if you have to "fake it till you make it".

My Christmas this year is different from previous years. Granted the reasons behind are not the same as yours. But our Christmas is different none the less.

We're doing new things together as a family. Sometimes QS's heart isn't in it. Sometimes mine isn't. Sometimes we feel "blah". But we forge ahead #1 for the kids and #2 to do something different and out of the norm.

Also, TCD's period is obviously a huge trigger for her. Have you two discussed an IUD or something that would prevent her from having a period for a while? I realize that it will bring in other feelings of "I'm never going to have kids" "If it wasn't for you..." and whatnot, but maybe an IUD or the shot would be the lesser of two evils right now?

Thinking of you both and hoping you can find a calm in the midst of the storm.

Morhurt posted 12/19/2013 10:22 AM

I agree with the new tradition idea. For years we spent Xmas eve with family and it stressed me out. We finally stopped and I'm so much happier about it. Our "new" is to have a simple dinner, sing Christmas Carols with the kids (sometimes we carol at a few neighbours houses) and give the kids one gift to open. We get them to bed at a decent time and then watch Xmas movies and wrap presents together (though my old favourite was "Love Actually" but I'm not sure I can handle it this year).
Anyway, my point is just that the new tradition doesn't have to be elaborate to be happy. Driving around looking at Christmas lights? Volunteering somewhere? Family movie night?

Good luck,

SurprisinglyOkay posted 12/19/2013 10:31 AM

I vote for new traditions too! Spend some time looking for simple ideas. (pinterest is full of them) Look for a local light show.
Ask her what she wants to do.

Have you two discussed an IUD or something that would prevent her from having a period for a while?

t/j my IUD made my period longer and more crampy. But I believe the bc shot takes away the bleeding, don't know about the cycling. end t/j

shiloe posted 12/19/2013 10:37 AM

She will have her period just to put that extra special touch on the day. She will likely be bleeding through Christmas.

I am not sure what how this comes into play, is it because it make her more moody and ill feeling?

It's a natural thing all women must put up with.

TimeToManUp posted 12/19/2013 10:41 AM

I have more to say, but since my time is short right now, but just to clarify for those who don't know our story, TCD suffered a miscarriage in February of this year. This, coupled with TCD's feelings that my A gave away her chance to have more children makes her period extra triggery. There is more to that story, but that is the Reader's Digest version. Thank you all for your input, and I will respond more in-depth when I have more time.

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