The Princess always knew that I had this problem (even before we had a name for it). I would try to just stay by her side at parties, because she was a "safe" person for me (there may be some irony there), but she would often end up ditching me (and then giving me shit if I just hung out with one person the whole evening!). Whenever we would bring the kids to a party, I would hang with them - and then I would feel badly about it, because it's not fair for them to be their dad's crutch.
Of course, my other old reliable crutch was many glasses of wine.
Well, I was invited to a party with a bunch of my new musician friends the other night. I felt the usual fear as I was getting ready to go, but made myself go anyway. I brought my mandolin with me. I've gotta tell you: I fucking thrived!
I had recently read that the best way to meet people at networking events is to approach anyone who is standing alone, or in groups of two people, so this is what I did. I "interviewed" people by asking them about their latest projects, where they're going for their holidays, etc. Whenever the demons in my brain would tell me that this person probably wanted to get away from me, I followed my shrink's advice: I asked myself, "What is the evidence?"
So I looked at the evidence. The person who is chatting me up, with a smile on his/her face, and keeping the conversation going, probably wasn't looking for a chance to get away. I may even be likeable.
And of course, music ended up breaking out at one point. That made things easier as well.
Parties? Pfft. I can do that!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
Good on you!!
I am so sorry that The Princess took so much of you. Of course you are wonderful human being with interesting talents -- why wouldn't others want to talk with you???
Love these positive posts!
Instruments are such a great equalizer, makes you feel part even when you don't talk.
I am going to my first party on Saturday, terrified. I have not been out on my own since WH returned last January. While he was gone the first time I went out once and it was hell. I don't think I was ready, it was two weeks after dday, I was still a zombie!
Now, he is still in the house until next Thursday but I am trying to keep going, finding the positive. Still scared to go alone but I am going anyway.
dday October 21,2012 dday December 20, 2013 wh deleted I attempted R, he was a lie
But I guess I can hardly consider you strangers with the way I've been spilling my guts, eh?
And yes, I definitely had fun: I talked, I played music, I woke up without a hangover.
cantaccept: Good for you! You've got this. I just read your profile, and you're not so fucked up as you may think you are (that's meant as a compliment, even if it may not read as one!). You can enjoy yourself too.
I've gotta tell you: I fucking thrived!
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
"But you said your vows, and you closed the door On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC
Smart tactical move on leaving the banjo at home BTW.
k9
That's because musicians are cool!
Keep up the good work.
I know how hard socializing is because I have the same issue. X-NPD always ridiculed me for it too.
Good for you!!!
I'm so happy for you-- keep up the good work!
I'm glad it worked out well for you. Some of my favourite parties in the past have been where all these talented musicians would just take out whatever instrument and just sing/play. Great idea bringing the mandolin.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
And for the record k9, I would be just as proud if I had done this with one of my banjos, instead of my mandolin!
