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NotFixable (original poster member #41608) posted at 10:09 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I went back to my lawyer today and signed the papers for the temporary support petition, so now those will be filed but he probably won't be served until next week. After leaving his office, I ran to Walmart to pick up some stocking-stuffers. I was fine throughout the store right up until I got in line to check out. I was watching all those around me and they all seemed so happy and cheerful and in the Christmas spirit. I stood right there and started crying. I was so embarrassed but I couldn't stop it. I couldn't leave either because there were people in front & back of me in the line. I just kept thinking, how can these people continue going on with their lives when I feel like mine has ended? Don't they know the world has stopped? I've heard the saying that if everyone threw their troubles into a pile, they'd be quick to grab theirs back because others have it so much worse. I don't know, maybe that's true, but I feel like right now I could handle almost anything if he just hadn't stopped loving me. If he was the man I thought I'd married, not the man he turned out to be and none of this had ever happened. If, If, IF!
Me-BS
Him-WH
Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
DD #3 came after the others although it was with whore #1. Took a while to admit to her because she's so fat and disgusting.
So many additional AP came out later that I lost count.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 10:12 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
(((notfixable)))
It will get better hun....trust me on that.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 10:13 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
awwww.... ((((hugs))))
I am sorry this happened to you. I have BEEN THERE, done that. At the bank. At school carpool line. Sunglasses are your friend. Sorry, I have allergies, 
or I would tell myself everyone was imagining, "maybe her dog died."
Stocking stuffers.... sigh. JEALOUS!! 
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:19 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. We've all been there in that line, unable to stop the tears. (((((NotFixable)))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
TrustedHer ( member #23328) posted at 10:27 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
It happened to me in Target in 2009.
It gets better. It takes time.
Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.
Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 10:36 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
It happened to me at Walmart as I was trying to choose oranges. My XWH always chose the oranges and they were always good.
But I do just fine choosing my own oranges now.
Sending strength and peace.
NL
Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.
Vulcanized ( member #33523) posted at 12:07 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Behind an incredibly busy bar during happy hour. More than once. I can't even remember what the excuse I offered was.
But ... it gets so much better. Really & truly.
((NF))
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now:-----> Everything is as it should be
movingforward13 ( member #38405) posted at 1:11 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!
NotFixable (original poster member #41608) posted at 1:20 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Thanks everyone! As always, it helps to know I'm not alone in this personal hell of mine. Thanks for listening to me.
Me-BS
Him-WH
Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
DD #3 came after the others although it was with whore #1. Took a while to admit to her because she's so fat and disgusting.
So many additional AP came out later that I lost count.
Artemisia ( member #40564) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Oh yes, anywhere and everywhere. Walking down the hall at work. In the library. Over breakfast most days. Once just sitting at lunch with some colleagues. Yikes.
The happy holiday songs and people are hard to bear. But I try to think of the ups and downs. Some of those people have probably had a year like ours. Who knows, we may be those smiling people in a couple years, and someone else will be crying, unfortunately. What a life this is.
They say it gets better. This time of year is hard. Hugs.
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 12:24 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
The what ifs were agony for me.
There's a saying I love "the harder you work, the harder it is to surrender."
I can't tell you how often I burst into tears. At the shops, at work, just walking down the street, whilst having a coffee and even during a work meeting.
I also wondered how everyone could just go about their business - didn't they realise the world had fallen off its axis?
I felt like I was in a bubble of despair, furiously trying to connect but I just couldn't because I was completely and totally broken.
4 day after DD I had to attend a charity battle of the bands event. Thank god I wasn't on stage that year. I'm usually running around talking to everyone - I know everyone, I'm the life of the party even stone cold sober. 4 days out from DD I could almost see the barrier between me and everyone else. I felt like my grief was so palpable people were avoiding me like a wary canine would. I felt so detached from the world around me.
Truth is *I* was fundamentally different - they were exactly the same.
Then there was the sneering at happy families. I used to move seats if some happy family happened to be foolish enough to be near me.
I no longer feel that way. I'm plugged back into my life and the world around me.
It passes, I promise. I didn't believe it when they said it to me but they were spot on. Keep up the NC and pour your energy into yourself. He is AWOL, FUBAR - gone.
[This message edited by SBB at 3:03 PM, December 20th (Friday)]
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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