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Divorce/Separation :
Doing better every day ...

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 erzulie (original poster member #3293) posted at 11:45 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013

... haven't had a lot of time to check in, but wanted to share a quick update in the hopes that maybe it helps to inspire others - especially during this emotionally-laden time of year.

Just a recap - D-Day, and the day I asked him to find somewhere else to live, was September 5. I only agreed to see him/talk to him in front of a counselor - which we did, weekly, for over two months. November 29 was the last time I saw my WH; that was when I confronted him in front of the MFT about his continued deception, and he "came clean" with his past dalliances. I have not seen or talked to him since.

Since that time, I have done the following:

- Got an A in my Marketing class - the last class of this Semester (I have 3 classes left in the Spring before I graduate with my MBA)

- Started a training program for a half-marathon

- Cleaned my house top to bottom, including getting rid of a lot of old stuff that needed to be organized and donated

- Got my younger dog to his ideal weight and level of fitness (he had put on a few pounds the past few years)

- Nursed my older dog through a very involved dental surgery, which she is recovering from and doing very, very well

- Cashed in some points from my rewards credit card and got myself some new boots that I love

- Have been eating healthy and working out regularly, including my favorite, yoga

- Have spent a lot of time with my amazing family whom I adore

- Am planning a dinner party on Saturday night at my house, hostessing my group of close girlfriends to honor an annual holiday tradition of cheer and cocktails

- Am hostessing Christmas Eve dinner at my house for my mom's side of the family and my brother's girlfriend's family, who will be meeting for the first time

- Got hit on by a ridiculously sweet and handsome fireman (although I didn't really know how to respond - I don't know what the rules are quite yet - that said, my heart hasn't skipped a beat like that since I-don't-remember-when)

NC has been the best gift I have ever given myself. In a way, I feel like I've taken my broken heart right back from the person I had given it to - a person who never would have treated it with care. I feel good about my life, where I am at, and what the future will bring.

I hope that everyone here who is struggling with themselves, their self-worth, their lot in life, can find some comfort in these ideas and put them into practice for themselves.

Sending you all love this holiday, and always. I never would have been able to navigate the complicated waters of this situation without all of you. So, I owe you all tremendous thanks!!!!

A saying for my SI Family: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all".

Fooled twice - almost exactly 10 years apart.

posts: 3380   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2004   ·   location: California
id 6604983
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ChoosingHope ( member #33606) posted at 11:55 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013

LOVE THIS!

NC is the best gift I've ever given myself too!

Happy Holidays Erzulie!

posts: 1855   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2011
id 6604994
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caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 1:12 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

That is a great update!

Happy holidays to you, erzulie!

Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

posts: 7063   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2010   ·   location: a better place
id 6605076
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tesla ( member #34697) posted at 3:06 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Awesome post and very happy for you!

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6605207
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6605228
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 4:22 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Thanks for the great update. You have made so much progress!

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6605299
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 6:05 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Sounds like life is getting better!

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6605370
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:51 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Wow! This is so inspiring!

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6605384
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:51 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

So Happy to hear that you are doing well. You crossed my mind the other day when I was talking with a friend about her elderly dog.

I hope you continue to find happiness, and don't worry about men, once you find your own happiness, and your confidence comes back, they will be banging down your door to date you.

((((and strength, and Merry Christmas))))

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6605637
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GingerAle ( member #33822) posted at 4:26 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Awesome post, erzulie! I am so happy for you, and you should be so proud of yourself!!

wanted to share a quick update in the hopes that maybe it helps to inspire others

I am completely inspired, thank you so much

My EXWH: 6 month EA in 2010 OW 1

2 year Sexting/PA 2012-2014 OW2

I divorced him in May 2014

posts: 442   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2011
id 6605774
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sleepless34 ( member #40274) posted at 10:01 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

Awesome! You inspired me to post a similar update. Glad to hear you are doing better too.

The #1 best thing learned on this site is "the CRICKETS" that saved my ass from rounds and rounds of crazy making bullshit conversations that would have made smoke blow out my ears and my hair fall out.

I also love FTG...it is just so good. Fuck. That. Guy. That is my anthem right now...

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

posts: 446   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Hell
id 6606327
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gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 11:39 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013

You rock, erzulie!!

Thanks for posting this. You are most definitely an inspiration!

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

posts: 1857   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Oregon
id 6606449
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