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Newest Member: Cobound (61857)

User Topic: texting
♀ 41598
Member # 41598
Stop  Posted: 8:07 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When is texting too much?

I send text messages to my BH as often as I can. It's one of my ways of assuring him that I miss him, want him, need him and love him.

I don't really get responses from him everytime. He only replies to messages pertaining to the kids.

I wonder when is too much?

Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What has he said about that?

Has he asked you to limit contact?
If not I would say continue to offer love and reassurance even if he doesn't respond.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
♂ 41537
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From my experience, too much and your BS may feel crowded or they will lose their significance. My BS needs space sometimes, and I do my best to respect that though its not always easy. I found timing is everything with this type of thing, you will know when they are receptive. That's the time. Have you tried asking him how he feels about them? Don't assume he'll offer the info

WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
♂ 39526
Member # 39526
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he hasn't told you to stop then I don't know why you would even think about stopping even if he doesn't chat you up. I have had times like this with my BS and I get hurts but I always thought....what does it say about me if I stop just because they are not responding like I would like them too, that's just not the way this works. I know it's hard but all I can tell you is keep going.

BS-Her (Lostinthismess)

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 37879
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Helplessme, only your BS can tell you when its too much. If your join date is anywhere near your dday, then you're in the very beginning. You just need to be patient, proactive, and consistent. For a long time, the majority of my texts and check in photos to my BSO went unanswered, but I kept at it. And with time, transparency and consistency, I was able to begin to build back some trust.

Talk to BS, ask him what he needs from you each day to feel safe. And don't be discouraged if he doesn't text back. It may be very hard and painful for him to have to respond.

Me: FWSO 39 He: FBSO 39 and my heart
Together 21 years. We survived infidelity. "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 611 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: by the sea with my love
♂ 40557
Member # 40557
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Helpless, I feel the exact same way you do. My BW very rarely responds to anything related to our situation. Then I text her something related to anything other than our situation and she responds. She hasn't told me to stop so I just keep doing it. Not like every 10 minutes or anything but a couple times a day just to remind her I am thinking about her and I love her.

I will admit that at first her not responding was very difficult but it gets easier with time. I just keep telling myself how hurt she must be if she can't even respond. Unfortunately I get the same response when I try to talk to her in person about it. The only time we have an actual two way conversation about our situation is when she brings it up first which is almost never. VERY FRUSTRATING! But I've come to terms with it. I have to accept it and just be here and be ready in those times when she is ready to talk.

Hang in there.

DDay 7/23/13
TT on 3/5/14 - Finally came completely clean
Finally working on making real changes in my life, one day at a time.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6

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