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careerlady posted 12/19/2013 21:22 PM

The Snake had the nerve to put his freaking ring back on. Seriously? This is the guy I had to nag to wear his ring (now I know why) and he was happy I leave it on the dresser the day I has him served. I took my ring off a few days ago so maybe he's trying to send a message but he needs to take it the fuck back off cause it was apparently meaningless to him for years.

I also hate how he tries to get ego kibbles from DS, who is only 17 months. He PURPOSELY pretends he's leaving and goes to the other side of the stair gate just so DS will cry for him. He'll let this go on for several minutes despite my protests. He will also come in and out of the room just to get a reaction. Sick bastard

And I found out TODAY that SIL and her husband are coming for the weekend TOMORROW. And I KNOW he hasn't told them anything. WTF am I supposed to do while they're here? This sucks!

nowiknow23 posted 12/19/2013 21:33 PM

WTF am I supposed to do while they're here?
Whatever the hell you want to do, careerlady. Including, and I mean this, telling them what's going on and why.

If that's a non-starter, take DS and go do something fun without any of them. ((((careerlady))))

lisaloo posted 12/19/2013 21:38 PM

Whatever the hell you want to do, careerlady. Including, and I mean this, telling them what's going on and why.


badmedicine posted 12/19/2013 21:48 PM

UGH. This struck a major chord with me. My WH wouldn't wear his ring. He informed me that he "didn't like jewelry". It's your F-ing wedding band...just put it on and think of your wonderful wife. I feel exactly like you I know why he wouldn't wear it and it makes me sick. On DDay he said he would start wearing it; it was actually his idea. At first I reminded him a few times (we were attempting to R) but then he wore it. And wore it. And wore it. It is actually the only thing he did right during the attempted R besides NC the OW as far as I know. However now that we are divorcing when I see it on his finger I want to cut it off (the whole damn finger).

I don't have kids, but WTF? Who purposefully makes a child cry?? I guess someone who needs to feel attention.

The inlaws need to know. Just be sure you practice your speech if he won't do it himself. And I'm sure he won't. Come up with a few sentences that state the facts and maybe start with "I don't want this to be uncomfortable for you so I thought you should know...." and lay it out there. Do your best to avoid name-calling because you will be taking the high road and the ugly truth will speak for itself. Warning: blood is definitely thicker than water. Do NOT expect anything about her response to back you up. If it does it's a great bonus. What you need to guard against is more pain and suffering for you. Maybe call her up and tell her and she won't even come? You should be so lucky.

Stay strong. Mind games are hard, but at least now you know you are playing them.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/19/2013 21:53 PM

FT did not wear a ring either. Always an excuse. After DD he was wearing it.

It disgusted me. My therapist called it "grandstanding" which is another manipulation technique these sick bastards use.

You have every right to feel insulted because he is acting like a huge selfish, entitled, jerk.

You could say something really simple to the inlaws like " we are have having some difficult issues because I have a problem with his girlfriend."

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:56 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 12/19/2013 22:42 PM

He put his ring back on because the SIL is coming. (You shoulda *disappeared* it when you had the chance )
During one of our separations, stbx made a big freaking deal to me about how *sad* he was that he was going to have to take his ring off when we divorced (because I was telling him that I wasn't going to be able to stay married to *who he was*). I fell for that crap hook, line, and sinker. UNTIL the day came when I saw pictures of times that he wasn't around me -- no ring. One of those times was his high school reunion -- which I didn't attend with him. I brought it up to him -- and received a *reason* which still, to this day, makes me feel like a *bobblehead* because it was so nutso.

And please give the lunkhead a parenting book. 17 month olds have separation anxiety when their parents leave. He ain't special. Your WH may be getting a special *charge* out of his stupid game....but he's actually not doing a bad thing for your son right now. He's showing your DS that a parent can leave his eye-line....but that parent comes back. Gives the kid a sense of security. When you think your WH is letting it go on too long.....pick DS up and take him to where Dad is "SEE, DS. THERE he is!"

careerlady posted 12/20/2013 01:03 AM

Thanks all

I can''t really tell SIL right now as much as I want to. My strategy is to stay in the Snake''s good graces and hope that my default comes through unchallenged and if not that he''s reasonable in mediation. I''m trying to avoid an expensive legal battle. Also, he can hurt me by seeking alimony and even child support if he gets enough time with DS (which would be bad cause he travels all the time so I would end up with DS anyway and because he just lays on the couch sleeping or watching violent Kung fu movies when he''s supposed to be caring for DS).

Anyway I can''t tell them yet. But if feel like a sell out putting my ring back on or lying....

Gonnabe2016 the Snake didn''t know SIL was coming when he put it on yesterday. She surprised us and said she was coming today. And going in and out of the room because you need to is one thing and maybe doing it just for attention isn''t harmful but standing on the other side of the gate just so DS can whine and clamor for him? Why?

ETA - One more rant with regard to the ring. Nothing has changed! He has never apologized for this latest infidelity. He just said he did it cause he was unhappy with my mother and residue left on the dishes! No regret was expressed, he just chastised me for filing and said he'd fight me. Nothing since (not even a response to my petition). We've just been friendly and sleeping in separate rooms. How the fuck does that trigger him to put his ring back on? He must be crazy! It scares me!

[This message edited by careerlady at 1:27 AM, December 20th, 2013 (Friday)]

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