I also hate how he tries to get ego kibbles from DS, who is only 17 months. He PURPOSELY pretends he's leaving and goes to the other side of the stair gate just so DS will cry for him. He'll let this go on for several minutes despite my protests. He will also come in and out of the room just to get a reaction. Sick bastard
And I found out TODAY that SIL and her husband are coming for the weekend TOMORROW. And I KNOW he hasn't told them anything. WTF am I supposed to do while they're here? This sucks!
WTF am I supposed to do while they're here?
If that's a non-starter, take DS and go do something fun without any of them. ((((careerlady))))
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Whatever the hell you want to do, careerlady. Including, and I mean this, telling them what's going on and why.
I don't have kids, but WTF? Who purposefully makes a child cry?? I guess someone who needs to feel attention.
The inlaws need to know. Just be sure you practice your speech if he won't do it himself. And I'm sure he won't. Come up with a few sentences that state the facts and maybe start with "I don't want this to be uncomfortable for you so I thought you should know...." and lay it out there. Do your best to avoid name-calling because you will be taking the high road and the ugly truth will speak for itself. Warning: blood is definitely thicker than water. Do NOT expect anything about her response to back you up. If it does it's a great bonus. What you need to guard against is more pain and suffering for you. Maybe call her up and tell her and she won't even come? You should be so lucky.
Stay strong. Mind games are hard, but at least now you know you are playing them.
It disgusted me. My therapist called it "grandstanding" which is another manipulation technique these sick bastards use.
You have every right to feel insulted because he is acting like a huge selfish, entitled, jerk.
You could say something really simple to the inlaws like " we are have having some difficult issues because I have a problem with his girlfriend."
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:56 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]
And please give the lunkhead a parenting book. 17 month olds have separation anxiety when their parents leave. He ain't special. Your WH may be getting a special *charge* out of his stupid game....but he's actually not doing a bad thing for your son right now. He's showing your DS that a parent can leave his eye-line....but that parent comes back. Gives the kid a sense of security. When you think your WH is letting it go on too long.....pick DS up and take him to where Dad is "SEE, DS. THERE he is!"
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I can''t really tell SIL right now as much as I want to. My strategy is to stay in the Snake''s good graces and hope that my default comes through unchallenged and if not that he''s reasonable in mediation. I''m trying to avoid an expensive legal battle. Also, he can hurt me by seeking alimony and even child support if he gets enough time with DS (which would be bad cause he travels all the time so I would end up with DS anyway and because he just lays on the couch sleeping or watching violent Kung fu movies when he''s supposed to be caring for DS).
Anyway I can''t tell them yet. But if feel like a sell out putting my ring back on or lying....
Gonnabe2016 the Snake didn''t know SIL was coming when he put it on yesterday. She surprised us and said she was coming today. And going in and out of the room because you need to is one thing and maybe doing it just for attention isn''t harmful but standing on the other side of the gate just so DS can whine and clamor for him? Why?
ETA - One more rant with regard to the ring. Nothing has changed! He has never apologized for this latest infidelity. He just said he did it cause he was unhappy with my mother and residue left on the dishes! No regret was expressed, he just chastised me for filing and said he'd fight me. Nothing since (not even a response to my petition). We've just been friendly and sleeping in separate rooms. How the fuck does that trigger him to put his ring back on? He must be crazy! It scares me!
[This message edited by careerlady at 1:27 AM, December 20th, 2013 (Friday)]