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I don't get it

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Rainbows posted 12/19/2013 23:43 PM

A couple of weeks after I filed D, the Ex came to his senses (it seemed) and told me about OW. He said she had broken up 4 marriages previously, she loved breaking people up, was insanely obsessed with me and using him. He went on to say she was toxic, destructive, manipulative, etc.

They broke up late June, after his big revelation. Then sometime late July/early August, they got back together. This is when the attacks against me escalated to dangerous levels. I still can't wrap my head around some of it. Thankfully the judge slapped a restraining order on him.

So at mediation this week, the Ex gives me the same speech about how she's destructive, obsessive, dangerous, violent, etc. He said couldn't believe he let such a person into his life and she's still stalking him.

What I don't understand, why did he get back together with her after knowing those things about her. By his own admission, he thought she was trouble. He knew she thrives on ruining marriages, so why let her back in. I really don't get it.

I've come so far since I went total NC with him. I stopped trying to figure it out and have been rebuilding my life.

Even now, I'm not upset about it so much as I'm stumped.

IrishLass518 posted 12/20/2013 00:00 AM

Rainbows, I totally get what you are saying. My xWH gave me the same story and then never stopped seeing her. I finally had enough filed for divorce and left. He married her. Now the story is all different and I am the scary, controlling one They will say anything to elicit sympathy, divert blame and regain cake eating status. Believe nothing and only concern yourself with what is best for you.

SBB posted 12/20/2013 00:10 AM

About OWUmpteen (I was not aware at the time) about 2 years before DD "she's got her boyfriend, another guy and a married guy on the hook. She is a fucked up little bunny". She was 21/22 at the time.

The same fucked up little bunny this 40 y/o loser introduced my children 20 weeks after S. She is in their lives now.

You're right - you'll never make sense of it because it is nonsensical.

SusanR posted 12/20/2013 00:29 AM

Our OW is a serial adultress who wrote in an email, "if their wives are so special, why do they need me?". Apparently, she has not had a meaningful relationship with a man in some time. She finds her prey through She also wrote that her 3 adult children want nothing to do with her and she can't see her grandchildren. Hmmm. Guess the kids know about Mom's hobby. Or her lack of a moral compass anyhow.

I still have never heard WH say anything bad about her. I don't know if that means he hasn't figured it out by now or what. He told me he had no interest in a "normal" relationship with her.

What a sad person. She is a monster. I hope someone stops her but I am sworn to NC for my own benefit.

Rainbows posted 12/20/2013 01:01 AM

Thank you for the replies. I always read them a couple of times to make sure I get everything. Each time, I get more insight.

As I was reading through the second time a few things occurred to me. First, he desperately wants me to drop the restraining order, so he's probably blame shifting to her. That gets him off the hook.

The second thing is the importance of staying NC. I've started feeling normal lately. I'm laughing more, making jokes again and waking up earlier. My boss even said I look happy today.

There is also a part of me that still wants to see the good in him. I don't understand how I was with someone for so long and never saw the red horns on his head. How could I miss the giant red tail? I wonder if I was blind, naive or stupid.

So much of my healing is due to NC. Not thinking about or dealing with him has helped me focus on going forward and I can finally see a new direction in my life.

I guess it doesn't really matter why or even if he's being honest. His actions told me everything I needed to know.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 1:03 AM, December 20th (Friday)]

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