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Why am I like this?

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Flatlined123 posted 12/20/2013 04:32 AM

Why is it that some days I'm so ready to be done with this and other days it's all front and center?

I see what kind of work H has done and continues to do. Not once, ever through this whole thing, did he say it was my fault. He has always taken full responsibility for the affair.

Today is a good day. I'm in a good place. Will I be tomorrow? I don't know. I just want off this ride and want our life back.

steadfast1973 posted 12/20/2013 05:10 AM

Yes.

My mood swings are dizzying! when he's home, and talking to me, and owning his shit (finally), I am hopeful. When he's at work, or preoccupied with the computer (huge trigger), I am hopeless, ready to leave.

And even when I am hopeful, I bounce between sadness and full on RAGE.

Lostinthismess posted 12/20/2013 09:53 AM

Why is it that some days I'm so ready to be done with this and other days it's all front and center?

I hear you. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for something. Waiting for it to be worth it it's crazy making. Some days I think maybe enough time will pass and it will be worth it in the long run. Some days I think I'm wasting my time..... I wish you could just pick one thought and stick with it!!!!

Virginiagirl posted 12/20/2013 10:07 AM

Ain't it the truth. 6 months out and I still bounce back & forth. One minute I see the changes he is trying to make and think Ok, we can stay together, it's just a matter of me finding a way to cope with my hurt feelings and move forward. Then (like someone just said), when I am away from him I start doubting, don't believe what I totally believed when he was in front of me, berating myself for being too easy on him and hearing just what I want to hear.
I don't want to be a grown-up!! I want to just leave, run away from it all. But him being back home, I see how happy it makes the kids (and, dare I say, dare I believe, how happy he seems??) and it makes me feel so selfish. Back & forth, up & down.... I just can't keep doing this! Yet I am!

Marathonwaseasy posted 12/20/2013 10:13 AM

Me too
So anxious and sad and scared - terrified
Then other times so inspired and proud and excited

In the former at the moment
Just want a day off this rollercoaster

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