Heart was leading me through the valley the other night, especially asking the "why?" question we WSes seem to get so often. This time, however, was different. I had another breakthrough, and I wanted to share it in case it helps anyone else to see their own "why?" or the "why?" of their WS.
I was behaving as a child when I first met Heart. It was a blossoming young romance, but I was handling it immaturely. I continued to be immature for a long time afterward, wanting all the attention in social gatherings to be on me, and definitely wanting to be pampered and treated like an idolized child at home. I even grumped about working or doing chores, and was very whiny besides.
When I met my boss at USDA, she must have sensed this about me ... the inner child longing to be the center of the universe and be idolized and pampered, because she did it. She did it so well that I all but severed ties with Heart to move Heaven and Earth for this OW: the "mother" I never had.
And this OW did nothing but encourage me: to devote more to my job, to devote more to my friends, and to devote LESS to Heart who wasn't appreciative (in her opinion). And I stupidly and childishly listened. I let myself get wrapped around her finger because I wasn't confident enough to be my own person.
I could have stopped it all at any time, but I was too cowed and doubtful of myself to do so ... all thanks to my immaturity and inability to admit to myself that I wasn't perfect.
NOW, though, I rarely complain about work and never complain about chores. I yearn for family time and I enjoy spending weekends at home. I almost never feel the need to spend time with anyone other than Heart, and it's all to do with me pushing past the inner child stage and really moving into adulthood.
It's helped me with the confidence to stand my ground, to set boundaries, and to be independent. It's allowed me the moral ground to punish my child for disobedience, rather than letting him get away with anything he wants simply because I'm weak-willed.
I don't know if my story helps anyone find solutions or peace, but here it is. Perhaps you or someone you love fits the "child" profile; if so, maybe something in my story can help you shake them out of it.
Thank you for reading.