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mof2 posted 12/20/2013 20:17 PM

It's been almost a year since he abruptly left like a coward and divorce was final October 3rd. He doted on me up until the day asked for a divorce. Made me feel like I was the only woman that he would ever love. He always told me I was "IT" and he could never love anyone like he loved me. So, fast forward a year later. Now I am dating a little. I was introduced to a guy by a friend (mutual friend of the OW...lol) who thought that I deserved a good guy and he said this guy is a good guy. Went out on a date with the guy and he was right...from what I could tell. I'm having a very hard time with wondering if this guy is REALLY a good guy because my ex was a REALLY good guy until he upped and left me for something new. Is it to soon for me???

TrustedHer posted 12/20/2013 20:35 PM

Most likely yes, if you're asking.

If you decide to go ahead, you may want to take it slow.

Are you comfortable dating someone who is in OW's social circle?

mof2 posted 12/20/2013 21:37 PM

I am actually over him...just not how he did it. Considering he "supposedly" loved me until he left, people's words are going to be hard to trust. This guy text me the other morning "Good morning beautiful" and my ex did that all the time. So now, pretty much numb to it. It just didn't mean anything to me because he could say it to anyone.

It's really a strange situation. My ex pursued his OW on Facebook. My friend is a mutual friend of her and I, but not him. He saw that I changed my name and noticed that they were going back and forth on each others pages and put 2 and 2 together and asked me about it. I told him what happened and he was mortified. He said he had been wanting to introduce me to this guy for awhile.

movingforward13 posted 12/21/2013 15:48 PM

You may just need to take some more time to yourself before dating so you don't bring that emotional baggage to any new relationships. You might need some more time to heal. Once you have healed, your thought processes to dating will change and you won't feel so negative about future guys.

phmh posted 12/22/2013 17:08 PM

From reading your words and tone, you're not over it enough to be healthy enough to date, in my opinion.

I know it's tough and unfair and we all pretty much think we're ready to date before we really are.

I look back at some of the stuff that I journaled when I was first starting to date, and it's so apparent to me now that I was nowhere near ready then. I'm just lucky that I didn't hurt anyone else or myself before I realized it and took time off.

I hope that you take some time to yourself without dating and heal even more. Very few people (including myself) take enough time, but what's the rush? Broken attracts broken (and I'd submit a guy who texts "Good morning beautiful" after one date has some issues) and I'd hate to see you slide right into another bad relationship.

(((mof2)))

JellyGirl84 posted 12/22/2013 19:58 PM

I have this same fear. When my WH's EA came to light, everyone who knows him was just SHOCKED. This is a boy who doted on my for 9 years; always told me I was beautiful and he loved me and I was his only love. He took care of me in so many ways (and perhaps I must look into a co-dependence issue with my IC) but anyway, I'm only a month from DDay and I worry about the stage when I'm ready to date.

I can easily see having casual (and fun!) relationships with date nights and kissing....but long term? I don't want another decade to go by with someone only to have it blow up in my face.

One of my BFFs told me that I'll know when I am willing to risk rather than play it safe.

persevere posted 12/22/2013 21:51 PM

I am also a card carrying member of the BS Completely Blindsided Club. My XWH loved and adored me up to the day my world exploded. To be that blindsided adds a layer to the betrayal, because honestly, even if we were to hit bumps in the road, I NEVER thought he'd give up on us, ever. And learning to accept that he walked away just like that was probably the hardest part.

And, yes, mof2, I agree with the other posters - if you're questioning if you're ready, you probably aren't, and there's no harm in taking some time to yourself anyway. It takes time to learn to trust yourself again, and you need to do that before you have any hope of trusting someone else.

((mof2))