I am very concerned, in speaking with my Uncle who is a recovering alcoholic, he says its pretty typical behavior. When she gets a few in her its like f everyone else, Im gonna do what I want.
This reared its head tonight, I was upset but feel it was ok to be. She said "let me have my own life". That's great, I'm all for it but we all still have responsibilities. This has happened enough times where I feel my concerns are real and a loving/concerned conversation warranted.
I cannot imagine her pain at your betrayal. I'm not a BS. I am, however, a long term recovery alcoholic & addict, and from your description of her behavior you have every right to be concerned. Very concerned.
It's a thin line she's dancing on, and may have already crossed.
These thoughts are IMHO and YMMV and I'm not diminishing her BS pain. I'm questioning her recovery approach. Unhealthy at the very least.
Wishing you the best. A professional assessment and intervention might be warranted. The fog of alcohol abuse quite literally can kill.
She said she is concerned about it, but really does nothing to change it. Honestly though, she has made alot of progress in her healing, self understanding and approach to us in regards to my A. I feel very lucky that we are where we are, a work in progress as she says.
As far as the revenge affair theory, she had a real one. Though she was clear we were not together, but I know opinions differ on that. She ended it, and I think that has added to her pain. On top of that she recently had a falling out with her BFF, who did something pretty despicable to us and our family. Now her BFF was someone she would drink with quite a lot and was enabling some pretty bad decisions. It sucks, but I wasn't heart broken about it.
So, she recently lost 2 people close to her that she used for support. She is admittedly scared about relying mainly on me now for support, which I completely understand.
I know I need to suck it up for the devastation I caused her, but this is one area where I am really struggling. I lost my cool last night when I should have backed away from the situation and talked about it today. We argued this morning, but eventually cooler heads prevailed and we came together and talked about what happened. I am so lucky she is in my life and loves me. She owes me nothing but still gives ground when we need it.
I am struggling with my approach to this that wont put her on the defensive or disrupt any of the progress we have made as a couple.
I do think its a good thing that you are concerned. Although its hard to approach, when my WS tells me his concerns i use to feel controlled or that he was trying to control me and then it would get way out of hand with both of our emotions and always turn into a argument. What we have done is make up our own " safe word " so whenever we would start to get into our own defensiveness and one of us say "the word" it means to us " i love you and we can come back to this conversation after we get our emotions under control" it usually ends with him holding and hugging me. This works so great for us because its not like he is ignoring me or the conversation, but i feel loved and cared for.
Just do whatever you can to be there for her. Maybe there is something you guys can come up with for the " moments" when the conversations start to get heated. Let her decide how and what to use.
After a couple drinks with friends, we all go our separate ways and go home.
In this quote, you write 'we all go our separate ways'. When you say 'we' I assume you're there too. I suggest, if you know your wife doesn't know when to say when, and you are concerned, you stop going on these outings. Find other things for you and BS to do. You really can't ask her to stop overdoing it. You really need her to stop doing it. Once that door is open, there's no shutting it.
I hope you and she are able to find common ground before things get out of hand for her, I sincerely do. I've lived it, and it's not fun.