This is my second Christmas post Dday. Last year, I was a month out. I was cooking Christmas dinner and just sunk down to the floor and sobbed. The pain was unbearable. I don't remember much about that day, except crying. My family was here, and my body was here, but I was still in shock.
This year, is different. I still felt attached to him last year, this year, I feel single. I've gone to a couple holiday parties by myself and for the most part, had a good time. It has been hard at times, memories come up but they don't pack the punch they use too. Looking forward to creating new memories this year.
My son is coming home next Monday and I am looking forward to seeing him.
My divorce should be final next year, I will be graduating school in June. I feel like there are so many new beginnings opening up to me. So many possibilities.
In some ways, I am starting to see the affair as part of the plan that has brought me to today. Stronger, braver, more open and so very grateful. This past year has taught me so much, things I would not have learned without having this experience.
I think I am accepting who he is now. He's a very broken man and I am so grateful to be free of the lies and the deceit. I deserve a faithful love, a mature love, an honest love. He is not capable of that and I finally accept that.
People ask me what I want for Christmas - peace of mind, compassionate heart and deep joy. That is my wish for all of us.