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cantaccept posted 12/21/2013 11:48 AM

She would not give her name but apologized. He told her he was going through a divorce.

She told me that they have known each other for years. Ran into each other during the summer.

Texting just got flirtatious over the last two months.

He is a lying piece of shit.

Sorry to post this here. It just feels like my home.

I made it to work. Really really hurting. My body and my mind.

He sat with me in therapy every monday and lied. He watched me cry, he heard me cry in my sleep.

He is a monster.

learningtofeel posted 12/21/2013 11:51 AM


I am heartbroken for you.

Skan posted 12/21/2013 11:55 AM

Gawdammit! I'm so very, very sorry.

Rebreather posted 12/21/2013 12:00 PM

You know cantaccept, I sure hope this doesn't sound shitty, but I am relieved to know this. Because he kept having all the signs in the way he treated you. Lack of remorse is just lack of remorse, you know? And as hard as we try to fit the square peg into the round hole, we are proven time and again that it doesn't work.

YOU did all you could. It has been proven to you again that this is not about YOU.

Steel yourself against his love bombing. I think he will try to come crawling back again when this goes to shit. "now I finally hit rock bottom" kind of thing. Go NC honey. Shields up!!!

StillStanding1 posted 12/21/2013 12:01 PM

^^^^^. Me too. I can't stop thinking about you. This is just an awful way to end it. Couldn't he have just given yo your freedom long ago and not made you suffer more? Did he think he was doing you a "favor" by staying and going through the motions???? I just can't fathom the lack of conscience or empathy. Sick. Just sick. So glad you threw his shit outside. He deserved it.

Hope the OW kicks him to the curb too. Hope karma is on his tail. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Lots and lots of virtual hugs. Is your son home???

ETA: Lots of us posting simultaneously.... My "^^^me too" was for being heartbroken for you. That said, I totally agree also that you need to steel yourself against any groveling. He is not
worth your time or pain.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 12:06 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

PinkJeepLady posted 12/21/2013 12:03 PM

Just one more unbelievable turn on this crazy journey. What do you think about her apology? Sounds like there might be some trouble in "paradise" brewing??? Too freakin bad!!!!

You go girl, just keep on going!!! I know you are hurting all over, so be nice to YOU!!! You have to make your personal care a priority. You are in crisis mode, take breaths, drink water, take time outs from the crisis at hand.

You will not only survive this but go on to a truly happy life. We are all right here behind you, pulling for you every step of the way!!! Hang on!!!

painfulpast posted 12/21/2013 14:58 PM

She wouldn't give her name huh? Why? Because when you find out she's lying you won't know who to hate?

Sorry - I know there is no OW venting here. That isn't a 'vent'. It's an observation. If you have nothing to hide, why hide your name?

jjsr posted 12/21/2013 16:50 PM

I agree, if she is telling the truth why not tell you her name?
But I would certainly have my spidey senses up

cantaccept posted 12/21/2013 17:00 PM

just checked the phone log. they are texting all afternoon.

I just cannot believe how long this has been going on.

All the dday antiversaries I suffered through alone, he was texting her.

The exact same shit all over again. Even his excuse, "I gave up", "our marriage was over". stupid , what forum am I in???

a little psychotic posting today.

I am doing a lot better tonight. Tomorrow I will be even better.

rachelc posted 12/21/2013 17:10 PM

((Cantaccept)) not sure it really matters who she is. You know enough. As others have suggested in your other thread you are no longer in limbo. Choice made,

Hugs to you!!

painfulpast posted 12/21/2013 17:27 PM

just checked the phone log. they are texting all afternoon.

Exactly. She's really sorry, huh?

I'm sorry Can. She's trying to make herself feel better, but she isn't sorry.

StillStanding1 posted 12/21/2013 17:41 PM

Ok. The vindictive side of me just is curious if he discovered his belongings yet? Where is he living?

So glad you are already "bouncing back" a bit. I think that, because you (we BSs) have suffered so much already, we already are stronger and better equipped for
this additional heartbreak.... Perhaps because our guard has remained up to some degree. Just glad you are not despairing. You will be better off once you clear him out
of your life.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 5:42 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

steadfast1973 posted 12/21/2013 18:20 PM

Since when can we not OW vent in General? I've been avoiding the R board, because I still have a lot of venting!

Sorry to hear this, Can...

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 6:22 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

Kalliopeia posted 12/21/2013 19:06 PM

I was kind of wondering where he is at right now, too.

I am depressed for you.

JerseyCowgirl posted 12/21/2013 20:09 PM

He deserves the worst that fate can throw at him. Please take good care of yourself right now.. you just got hit
with another truck. My thoughts will be with you tonight as you try to start to heal.

sad12008 posted 12/21/2013 20:15 PM


I'm so sorry. He so totally doesn't deserve you. FTG. I'm sending you strength.

You know it's not you; he's the shit, the total steaming shit.

somanyyears posted 12/21/2013 20:18 PM


He is a lying piece of shit.

..and what do we do with shit??? FLUSH him!


cantaccept posted 12/22/2013 02:50 AM

Good morning everyone!

I am up very early again but this is nothing new. I fell asleep at 5:30pm until 8:30 then back asleep by 10 until 3. I think that may be a record! No nightmares!

My head keeps coming up with new questions but I answer myself with, "I just don't care anymore". It's true. Every quality that I loved about him is not true, it was all a façade. Sure cannot love a façade. When my heart gets that ache, I miss him, the rational is taking over, "no you don't, you only miss who you thought he was". It's kind of funny to realize that I really don't want him back, I want him gone from my life.

He pretty much is now. Just some stuff that has to be gotten rid of. The divorce that needs to be taken care of and in his words, "it's just a piece of paper".

I have plans for Christmas eve, my sons and granddaughter for dinner. Christmas day I am going with a friend to her families house and then to visit my sister and another friend.

As for stbxwh, he is living in a fleabag motel, saw it on his bank account. Maybe alone,maybe not, it's irrelevant to me.

He did not pick up his stuff. My son came over and we put it into garbage bags and into the garage with the clinging snow.

I had called the police for info and they told me not to leave it there as he could press charges against me but that putting it in the garage was fine.

He texted me yesterday, "please bring my stuff in. everyone already knows I am scum, you have made your point". Poor baby, feeling so ashamed.

His plans for Christmas, eve going to his brothers with all of his family, that have been so supportive of me through this whole year, knowing what he did, again. Knowing that he has been lying not just to me but to them also. I made sure they all know and how long it's been going on.

On Dec 28th, family vacation, his family a week in St. Thomas. He gets to stay in a rental house with his mother and sisters and brother in laws. His embarrassment is already packed, the one thing I packed for him, wouldn't want him to forget it.

Another piece to all this is that my mother in law and father in law are divorcing. Fifty plus years. He knocked her down and she broke her arm. He is also having an affair. I am thinking that mom might have a "bit" of anger.

My last conversation with mother in law yesterday. "honey there is something missing in them. You will be fine. Some man is going to come along and scoop you up and love you to pieces", that from my mother in law.

It really is easier this time and different. I am different. I didn't get too sad. Last time I was so broken, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt like I was not good enough and he found someone better.

Now, seeing how easy it is for him to find something new they both are irrelevant. They don't mean anything to him, he is just looking for that ego stroking. So, it's not that I am not enough, he is not enough, I am too much for him. I am too good for him. He just doesn't know how to handle a real woman, he is afraid. I show up his deficiencies.

I have grown so much in myself this year. I value me in a very real way that I never could before. I have standards and expectations! He couldn't meet them and I had really already decided I was done so that helps too.

What got me so angry was thinking about the months of effort on my part. I knew in my gut that he was not all in, I could feel it. Now that I know why, it all makes sense. I was driving myself crazy trying to understand what was wrong. He was lying to everyone, even his therapist.

So, I am looking forward to my new life. It still hurts but not nearly like it did last year. It's more of a sadness about having been "taken in" than that heart wrench feeling of abandonment and loss of love. Can't lose what you never had.

It will take some time to build a new life. I am already taking steps for that. I neglected my life, what was important to me, never again.

I just really do feel okay. It isn't what I wanted nor expected for my life but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Now it is time for different actions! My insanity is over.

He on the other hand is still behaving insanely. When I was so angry the other night and he was packing, I was screaming every ugly thing I thought about him. In a moment of calm, I looked at him and said, "you should come with a warning label on your forehead". The look on his face was priceless. It is still making me laugh.

I will be good, not just okay but good. I feel it, not just think it but feel it. That is good.

Nature_Girl posted 12/22/2013 03:33 AM

So, it's not that I am not enough, he is not enough, I am too much for him. I am too good for him. He just doesn't know how to handle a real woman, he is afraid. I show up his deficiencies.

Love this! So happy for you that you've arrived at this place already. You're going to be okay when all is said & done. You're going to make it. You're well on your way!

Ostrich80 posted 12/22/2013 04:21 AM

My last conversation with mother in law yesterday. "honey there is something missing in them. You will be fine. Some man is going to come along and scoop you up and love you to pieces", that from my mother in law.

This ^^[^ made me cry....I thought my cry-er was brokem

I wish you the most awesome future!!! Now you know, now you can start anew. I am sorry it couldn't turn out the way you wanted but you MIL is right :)

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