Anyway I have been reflecting on how different things are with a caring man.
^^^ This. This is the reason I would consider getting into a relationship. I would love to know what it is like to have an honest relationship with a man who really cares. (Heavy sigh)
Waterloo, it sounds like she just needs to get used to it.
Tesla, maybe that was his wedding gift to her. Feeble brain can't think of anything else.
I used to tell my xh after I found out, that it didn't matter if he quit his job because where ever he went, there he was. If he got remarried, he would be there no matter who he remarried. And from letters that I read from his first wife, he was exactly the same person/jerk with her.
[This message edited by hurtbs at 11:04 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)]
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
I gave "romantic" gifts to my xww. poems, collection of songs that meant something to us, thoughtful gifts....most went in the trash. So shot down there.
Now, SO had always went to a friends house to have margaritas once a week. So I bought her a fancy margarita maker. It wasn't right.
My point is, some of us try so hard but get shot down to the point that we feel that we will never get it right. Then it's hard to even try.
I've gotten so many ridiculous gifts it isn't even funny. I didn't look at the actual gift, it was just great that they even thought of me.
Just my $.02.....keep the change.
I imagine OW got some very nice gifts. But now she's the wifetress. I expect it won't take long before the amount of thought ex puts into gift-giving for her diminishes greatly, if it hasn't already. Hmmm, I wonder if he's re-gifted to her the tainted ring that was the above mentioned guilt gift?
I have to say so far, SO is an amazing gift giver. He puts a lot of thought into what he gives me and it truly makes me feel special.
[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:21 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)]
I usually ended up having to tell him point-blank what I wanted and most years ended up getting the item myself.
I would love to meet someone who has a least a concept of romance.
On reflection, I think his gifts to me were less about being thoughtful and more about a guilty response because he was having As the entire time. He needed to stay the nice husband to keep me from getting suspicious. After all, who gives their wife gifts like that when they are busy producing OCs with their whores? Psychopathic POSs do that, that's who. All his gifts to me became tainted when I discovered the years of infidelity.
Gifts to me were usually jewelry - nice things - and often things i didn't have occasion to use. As one DIL used to say, "What bauble did he get you for this Christmas/anniversary/birthday?".
Often, he would ask for ideas and get anything but because he "wanted it to be a surprise". The last two, Christmas and birthday, he asked what I wanted and got exactly what I said. I should have known he was up to something!
And I would get the anger if I asked to return anything, like I was ungrateful. One time he bought three dresses that were terrible for my body type and looked awful. Now that I know he
is SA, I get why. One was very revealing. The others didn't really fit and I had no place to wear them anyway.
I've sold some of the jewelry he gave me and haven't worn any of the rest. I bought myself some nice things and DD gave me one I wear a lot.
ETA: Now I also get why he had to get anything but what I wanted. The element if surprise is part of controlling. It put me in a bad light more than once, because he was constantly surprising me.
[This message edited by thebighurt at 3:53 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)]