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Confused at the Loss of a Friend

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Scorpio2310 posted 12/21/2013 17:15 PM

Last night there was a chance to see my xBF. I promised my BSO, the day after D-day, that I would have NC with him. The reason for that was because he is not a friend of the relationship (i.e. tried to get me to go to strip clubs, encouraged me to be more independent in relationship, never call me on things that might not be best for the relationship, etc.) and he is a narcissist. I enlisted him to help me hide the contact with my xF, and I also had him talk to my BSO on the phone and lie to her.

I had mixed feelings at the possibility of seeing him. I know that for my own personal growth and the sake of the relationship I need to have NC with him. On the other hand he was my first true friend. We had been friends since grade school.

Thankfully he wasn't there. I don't want to see him, because I am starting to make progress in moving forward from the old life that I used to live. But at the same time I miss having the one person that knows everything about me.

Unagie posted 12/21/2013 18:31 PM

I lost my BFF from grade school shortly after dday. It hurt so much on top of everything else. We'd been friends for 19 years and had plans to go to Ireland for our 20th year. I realized she was passive agressive, me me me thinking, selfish and toxic for me. Now I didn't see all that then, took me months but now I do and I wonder how I missed it before.

[This message edited by Unagie at 6:32 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

Scorpio2310 posted 12/21/2013 18:40 PM

Thank you Unagie. It helps that there are people out there that have very similar stories to me.

Wayflost posted 12/29/2013 11:07 AM

While none of the friends I have cut are long term friends, I've gotten rid of a group of friends. These were people I was spending time with in lieu of my BH. We drank, a lot. There was permission to flirt, act silly, and possibly be a little crazy. For the most part these people were all in relationships, but had semi absent partners. I would not be surprised to learn of other relationships in that circle having to deal with A issues. All of them are selfish and self centered. I realized fairly quickly after D-day that they did not like me for me, but for what I did for them.

The sad part is, my "closest" friend in the group ended up being no friend at all. I had begun to realize it before d-day, but it's amazing how a personal crisis and a request for space will bring out the best or the worst in the people around you. I'm proud of myself for putting in an appropriate boundary with her, and them, I'm just sad I didn't do it sooner.

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