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Newest Member: OneLittleVictory (61821)

User Topic: Confused at the Loss of a Friend
♂ 41561
Member # 41561
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night there was a chance to see my xBF. I promised my BSO, the day after D-day, that I would have NC with him. The reason for that was because he is not a friend of the relationship (i.e. tried to get me to go to strip clubs, encouraged me to be more independent in relationship, never call me on things that might not be best for the relationship, etc.) and he is a narcissist. I enlisted him to help me hide the contact with my xF, and I also had him talk to my BSO on the phone and lie to her.

I had mixed feelings at the possibility of seeing him. I know that for my own personal growth and the sake of the relationship I need to have NC with him. On the other hand he was my first true friend. We had been friends since grade school.

Thankfully he wasn't there. I don't want to see him, because I am starting to make progress in moving forward from the old life that I used to live. But at the same time I miss having the one person that knows everything about me.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost my BFF from grade school shortly after dday. It hurt so much on top of everything else. We'd been friends for 19 years and had plans to go to Ireland for our 20th year. I realized she was passive agressive, me me me thinking, selfish and toxic for me. Now I didn't see all that then, took me months but now I do and I wonder how I missed it before.

[This message edited by Unagie at 6:32 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 41561
Member # 41561
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Unagie. It helps that there are people out there that have very similar stories to me.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
♀ 41583
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While none of the friends I have cut are long term friends, I've gotten rid of a group of friends. These were people I was spending time with in lieu of my BH. We drank, a lot. There was permission to flirt, act silly, and possibly be a little crazy. For the most part these people were all in relationships, but had semi absent partners. I would not be surprised to learn of other relationships in that circle having to deal with A issues. All of them are selfish and self centered. I realized fairly quickly after D-day that they did not like me for me, but for what I did for them.

The sad part is, my "closest" friend in the group ended up being no friend at all. I had begun to realize it before d-day, but it's amazing how a personal crisis and a request for space will bring out the best or the worst in the people around you. I'm proud of myself for putting in an appropriate boundary with her, and them, I'm just sad I didn't do it sooner.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."

Posts: 760 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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