Hey 4 better
Welcome to SI. This is one of the safest,most loving spots you will find online IMO. The support is wonderful and people here care about each others' well-being.
Many of us have gone through years of re-building, some have had to deal with spouses that don't get it and others have had their spouses not able to R. Every scenario can probably be found somewhere lurking on SI
Your husband sounds as though he caught this before it was able to go anywhere and appears truly sorry for what did happen.
Many times a WS will make things appear much less than they were, they do and say the right things so a BS will stop looking and immediately trust R is happening.
Very few WS's get it immediately, confess and fix their stuff ASAP, so you may get lots of questions and what appears to be doubt from folks here. The questions and doubts come from many people that have traveled this road before you, they will bring their experience with their questions. Their advice is based on their life experiences. So take what you can use and leave the rest. Ultimately we all share the same goal, to heal ourselves and go forward with the life we know is best for us and our situation, be it R or D.
So ...here come my questions
My H had a 2 week EA that began at a work event where co worker got drunk, they danced and next day began a texting relationship.
They didn't meet at this event, correct? How often do these events happen and in what capacity did he work with her? Does he still work with her? Do they email each other at work?
What does he claim was their relationship like prior to this "dance"
I ask because this
They met after work briefly two times. Mostly commiserating about their (supposed) miserable marriages, had "feelings' for each other but my H has a conscious and would not let things progress.
They shared a dance, started texting and had feelings for each other within this brief period? It makes me believe there had been flirting prior to the dance and some type of contact that was not cell-phone based.
When they met where was it and where did he tell you he was?
He said that he missed the way we "were"
Do you realize this is an excuse and is not a valid reason for an affair (not that there is one) You probably missed the old you too, the old couple. Did you seek companionship outside of the marriage?
He needs to find out what was lacking in himself to allow himself the OK to start this "relationship"
I have already gotten through many of the stages and I credit that to how much my WH has assured me of his love and building my trust again.
This definitely sounds like rugsweeping. You have suffered a trauma and have been betrayed, one doesn't bounce back from that in a month. Give yourself time and allow the real feelings to come through. If you don't have any feelings I would really wonder why??
I planned on going by myself as my H was visiting at his brother's house
Your husband was out of town or is his brother local?
Literally everything that was said those two days was exactly what we needed to hear and was the key to everything we were doing wrong!! Those two days were worth many "regular" counseling sessions.
Have you been to regular counseling sessions?
Ok, that's my start lol....It's just things that IMO should be looked at.
If your husband had an affair, an EA, PA whatever, he betrayed you. Along with betrayal comes dishonesty. It hurts, but I would be sure I had at least these questions answered and possibly many more.
I don't like things that make me go hmmmm... It sounds all very convenient for your husband.
I hope he is being honest and is really willing to make things right.
Sorry I was so long winded. I do wish you healing and strength going forward.
(((hugs)))