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Revelations at dinner with a friend

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thebighurt posted 12/21/2013 17:54 PM

I told this to a SI IRL friend when we got together the other day and thought maybe I should post it here, too, in NB.

Last month, a friend asked me to dinner. A male friend (very good looking, too, sort of George Clooney-ish) that knows both xpos and me quite well. He sees us both for dinners or occasions/outings and talks to and cares about both. Just an all-around nice guy who just happens to have never been M. Just couldn't quite make the commitment, I guess, although he's had serious relationships.

And he's a LOT of fun and unafraid to call someone on anything, so I know I will get the truth from him. (He called xpos out in front of slut right after DDay. Xpos countered loudly with his mantra of the time and slut just sat there, oblivious to his insults.)

We had a great visit, laughed a LOT and talked about any and every topic that came to mind. It was a 3-hour dinner and drinks at a great local establishment that had just reopened after expanding. We were some of the first to sit at the new bar, so we stayed there to eat and had a running banter going with the bartender/owner and others coming and going there.

Well, he told me that I look great - he can see in my face that I am carrying less stress than the last time he saw me. I told him that I am still seeing IC and she has helped me immensely this year. I now know so many things that xpos was doing to me and forgive myself for my part in the M because I was only reacting to him. Also that I haven't seen or heard from xpos in quite a while, although he continued to do his drive-bys and stop at the end of the driveway. He just shook his head and wondered what he would be trying to accomplish with that. Also told him that xpos now owes me quite a bit of money and refuses to pay it - wants it to cost me to take him to court for it. Again, shaking the head and wondering aloud.

After I mentioned xpos, he told me that he had seen him; gone to dinner with him and slut and another couple. The face he made and the tone he used said that he wasn't happy about going with them, but I didn't ask any more. He asked me how old he is and I told him. He shook his head and said that he would have thought older than that by looking at him. He said he looks older and very gray, very thin, and didn't seem like himself at all, like something was bothering him.

He thought maybe it was the fact that he can no longer physically participate in a sport he once loved? I laughed and said that that happened a decade ago, so why would it be bothering him so much now? He had picked up other activities in the meantime to take the place. He said, really? It's been that long? Sure has! Maybe not the problem, then.

We let it drop there, but I'm thinking maybe it's the situation he's gotten himself into that is making him look so *gray, thin and not acting like himself*. Anyway, he then said that he was glad to see that at least I was looking so great and moving on so well!

It was a great night out. I always have a big smile after visiting with him, but I think it was a little bigger that night!

BTW, he was the 5th or 6th in a line of people who mentioned how much LESS stressed I look lately! Even my massage therapist said I'm carrying a lot less stress in my body.

better4me posted 12/21/2013 19:42 PM

maybe it's the situation he's gotten himself into that is making him look so *gray, thin and not acting like himself*.
No maybe's about it!

So glad you had a good time and so glad the stress reduction is showing on your face and in your body! Great post!

thebighurt posted 12/21/2013 19:54 PM

Thank you, better4me.

Did I ever tell you that your name is the first one I put in for my name when I was finally accepted on SI? (I was rejected my first attempt and had to throw myself on their mercy) A few tries later and being told they were all already used, the one I now have stuck. Totally not the one I wanted. By the time I joined, I *knew* it was better4me to be alone!!

tesla posted 12/22/2013 09:10 AM


The best part is how many people are commenting that you appear much less stressed!!

tryingagain74 posted 12/22/2013 15:49 PM

As I mentioned to another poster, looking old, gray, and haggard is the least of what they deserve, so as non-meh as I might sound, I am glad to hear it.

And isn't it great to get a massage? Totally worth the money!

thebighurt posted 12/22/2013 16:07 PM

Yes, it definitely is, TA. I once had a standing weekly appointment.

My massage therapist has become a wonderful friend and I love to spend time with her. She is another BS who has also had serious health issues to complicate her life. We have 3 or 4 hour lunches or dinners and one of us brings a bottle of wine for "dessert" while we visit. She's the same age as DD but that doesn't matter to either of us. We laugh, cry and commiserate together.

Come to think of it, I have several of those same types of friends now. Never had that with xpos around. I've had more visitors and friends around the house and been out with more in the 2+ years he has been gone than in the 4+ decades with him!!

stronger08 posted 12/23/2013 05:53 AM

Maybe its was rose colored glasses I had on, but after my D my XWW started to look worn. Saw her last week while dropping off my son, had to speak to her about the holiday visitation arrangements. Boy did she look old. Face was all withdrawn and she has lost too much weight with her constant need for working out. She was a very attractive woman in her day. But now she looks like a woman who is aging, but cant accept it. You know the type, too much time at the gym, hair color just not right, lots of makeup and clothes that are just not stylish for a person her age. I guess infidelity takes it toll as well. It aint easy being a cheat.

As for me, I know I look older because I am. I feel it in my bones and muscles. But I've come full circle in life and have learned to age gracefully. At this point in my life I have no one to impress but myself. As for the opposite sex, sure I wish I looked better. But take me for who and how I am or don't take me at all. What you see is what you get.

gahurts posted 12/23/2013 07:52 AM

Maybe its was rose colored glasses I had on, but after my D my XWW started to look worn. Saw her last week while dropping off my son, had to speak to her about the holiday visitation arrangements. Boy did she look old. Face was all withdrawn and she has lost too much weight with her constant need for working out. She was a very attractive woman in her day. But now she looks like a woman who is aging, but cant accept it. You know the type, too much time at the gym, hair color just not right, lots of makeup and clothes that are just not stylish for a person her age. I guess infidelity takes it toll as well. It aint easy being a cheat

Do we have the same XWWs??

I've noticed the same thing. At the end on my M, XWW was so super concerned about getting and being thin and just thought she was hot shit because she was so thin. Well I think she looks like a war orphan. She lost too much weight. And where did those wrinkles come from anyway?

thebighurt posted 12/23/2013 09:46 AM

take me for who and how I am or don't take me at all. What you see is what you get.

Stronger, that's my mantra as well. I guess xpos showed me his answer to that! (thankfully) I always consider that it applies to what I am as well as what you literally see. I can't be something I'm not. Honesty is the only way I know.

Gahurts, xpos started working out several times a day in order to impress the ladies. But my friend has seen him right along and apparently he is visibly thinner now.

When I saw him in court, I noticed that he appeared very gray, even his skin. I was told that maybe his high blood pressure was getting out of control. He was already on two different meds for it. Maybe they couldn't counter the stress of his situation. Too bad.

sparkysable posted 12/23/2013 10:54 AM

I think she looks like a war orphan. She lost too much weight. And where did those wrinkles come from anyway?
A war orphan!!! lol lol

homewrecked2011 posted 12/23/2013 20:13 PM

My xwh looks horrible. He has deep wrinkles like a shar pei in his forhead. His hair is grey, and he looks grouchy all the time,, in fact I call him Gloomy!!! LOL The OW has bags under her eyes and looks my age -- I'm 15 years older. I, too like it when other people see them out and call me to tell me how bad they look...

I, on the other hand, got my hair highlighted, get 10 hours sleep most nights, and I'm doing exercises online with anyone on you tube. I get a couple new shirts at goodwill every thurs when they go to 1.00. I have huge financial issues, but I try to take my life one day at a time.

thebighurt posted 12/23/2013 20:34 PM

He has deep wrinkles like a shar pei in his forhead

This made me laugh out loud!

The best part, like Tesla said, is how everyone it telling me I'm looking better and like I have less stress. Like you, I'm told I look a decade or so younger. One young waitress gasped when she heard my age and said she was sure I misspoke and thought I was actually 20 years younger than that! I gave her the big tip she was going for when she said it!

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