Okay, we all agree this kind of pain sucks like nothing else.
But does anyone else also know and see and feel the real gains that we are getting, even glimpses of why we had to go through this? I'm starting to.
The Benefits of Going through hell (for me):
1) Getting out of a relationship which was not healthy from the beginning, but which I was too enmeshed into break away. I needed to break away. I think the only way I would have done it is this way; otherwise I would have wasted my entire life with a man who sold me swampland in Florida! And then I refused to believe I was living in a swamp! I was drowning! Now I'm swimming and it's hard as hell but, oh, my analogy is failing! I hope it makes some sense!
2) Recognizing that I was living an illusion. Getting more in touch with my own reality and hopefully being smarter in the future.
3) Single life is very, very scary but I've always loved adventure and I used to love exploring new things! I will have so much new to explore! I've been so bored and stuck for so long; time to spread my wings and fly!
4) In my case, when my Dad died, my brother and I got into a big problem about the house. Never resolved. I think this is going to indirectly force that issue toward resolution, which is a positive!
5) FINALLY get out of this town and back to where my family and my heart is in my home town. I've wanted out of here FOREVER; now i have no more strings.
6) Finding out how strong I really am. I can fall apart, and I know I will get up. I gain strength every day (NOW, not at first) by surviving, and then waking up. Every day is different and every day I am surviving.
7) Gave my mother an opportunity to finally be there for me. It was very healing for us both.
8) Brought me and my sister in law closer.
9) Other....
I wouldn't have been able to see any benefits before, but now i can. I'm not completely over the hump but I'm getting So much closer, every darn day!!!
Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.