My BSO and I were talking about what lead me down the spiral towards my EAs. She started to ask my why I wanted to go back to xF after the way she treated me (constantly cheating on me, lying to me, playing emotional games, etc). I quickly internalized that question and the self-pity and self-loathing came on in full swing as she got up due to my response about my wavering right before D-day on whether I came back to my BSO because my xF was not available.
Instead of pulling away I asked my BSO to come back. I was scared that I was heading down the same spiral as before. Last time I tried to handle it by myself and I ended up having not one but TWO EAs! This time I did what my BSO and I had agreed upon, and let her know what was going on inside me and talk with her about it.
The reason I am posting this is because I am still having wishy-washy feelings about myself. In the past I have tried to boost myself up and I have tried having my BSO boost me up with no effect at all. My BSO thought that I should turn here for advice.