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Looking for my answers at 5AM

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JerseyCowgirl posted 12/23/2013 04:36 AM

Can't sleep because still haunted over the last 3 years of my life and just can't figure out why I am at least not allowed to know why all this punishment was heaped on me--the BS who was verbally and mentally abused. OK I got out but my son from my first marriage does not speak to me because of lies his father told him about me. I lost 2 long friends because of lies my 2nd H told them. I lost my job because of lies my 2nd husband told. I have one person left who still talks to me sort 89 YO mother who just berates me at every turn. And the worst is 1st husband has nice marriage with the OPhe cheated on me with, 2 sons, my son and his family. My 2nd ex has a new love, his family, his daughter, a good job. I literally have nothing now..
Just my own pity party I guess but I keep hoping and praying that if this is my life why can't I at least be told what I did to deserve this crap. It is like karma on me but why I don't know.

Scientist posted 12/23/2013 05:27 AM

I am so sorry to read your post. No-one deserves this, and there is no helpful advice to offer. Except that you did not cheat, so you are worthy of much better things than life has given you at the moment. Please hang on in there, remember you are among friends here, and we send you hugs and love for Christmas.

lovedmesomehim posted 12/23/2013 05:50 AM

I am sorry you are feeling this pain right now. To walk in BS shoes is horrid and it's always especially horrid during this time of year.

Look, you have remained honorable during both marriages. You are looking back and feeling as though the two WH you had are now doing swell. I know it doesn't feel fair to you, because we are taught that evil does not win. And it really doesn't. If they were cheaters when with you, then they are NOT in any relationship that you would value. These are not men that are living a beautiful life. Just as when they were with you, they are STILL lying. Some folks are just good liars and keep up a pretty good facade.

After reading your post, I am mostly saddened about the bond that has been broken between you and your child. Don't let a lie stand between the two of you. You don't have to be victimized by lies of any sort. You can always stand up for yourself and tell your truth.

Get up today and do something for yourself. You can't alter what has happened and you do not have to live with those two cheaters anymore. This is a season when we all have a tendency to reflect. Please think about the good things in your life that you do have. You still have the opportunity to live and love in the present. Right now.

So...reach out today and do something proactive in your life. I don't know the particulars about your son, but don't allow a lie to rob you of happiness. He will be back, because at some point he will want his mom in his life. In the meantime, do something for yourself and put a smile into your own heart. ((jerseycowgirl))

heforgotme posted 12/23/2013 07:03 AM

my son from my first marriage does not speak to me because of lies his father told him about me. I lost 2 long friends because of lies

Hey JC,

I wanted to let you know that something similar happened to someone I know. Her husband was a wayward and when they got divorced he told all kinds of lies about her to family and friends. He even said SHE was the one who cheated (omg). And they believed him. I guess they figured why would he lie about something like that.

Anyway, with the exception of a few, nobody believes him anymore. Most of them now go out of their way to be nice to her. They figured out that he lied and most of them are embarrassed that they were duped by him.

She did not try to correct the lies. For a long time she didn't even know what they were, just that people were acting funny. She just kept being herself (and he kept being HIMSELF) and eventually people realized he was full of it.

So anyway, I'm hoping your situation turns out similarly. Truth tends to shine through eventually....but it can take awhile, so keep going with your life in the meantime.

JerseyCowgirl posted 12/23/2013 17:42 PM

Thank you for listening to my pity party and I would like to hope that I hear that finally people saw the lies he told about me but it is not to be. He told one truth and backed it up by showing it to everyone...the radiology report that I have a brain tumor. So when a liar adds an element of truth then all the rest of his lies are believed. That is why my employer let me go. That is why calling the police did no good. The pastor of my church refused to counsel me. My family doctor told me to find another doctor. Either they think you are crazy or they think you might sue them. Ex had ruined my life this time bytelling the truth. And on that note I better sign off from SI permanently because I am sure now no one here will believe a word I say. I lost 2 friends to these tumors because the new techniques were not around. Wayne left behind his wife and 2 children. Kate left behind 2 children and 3 whengrandchildren. What reason am I still here

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