If you read all this, thanks so much for your time
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
I'm sorry he took that away from him, but it will only continue if you allow it to.
It's going to take time, but you will get that back someday. And maybe it will be a different relationship with them. Instead of riding to win, you might start riding just for the sheer therapy of being with the herd again.
Maybe you won't ride, maybe you'll just hang out and really get into how they interact with each other. I would give my left arm to be able to go out to a barn and just hang with the herd. I love the scent of them, everything about them is noble and good (well except for the bad apples who have been mistreated, but that's not their fault).
I'm rambling, but I just wanted you to know I feel your hurt and your pain.
Big huge hugs. Don't get rid of your saddle just yet. I have a feeling you'll get back on eventually.
I think you're probably still in shock from being betrayed. At this point, you know very little about what your future will be.
You know, however, that in the past you loved riding, and you probably loved your horses. As you recover from the trauma of being betrayed, you may very well find that love again. (In fact, given what our culture says about girls and horses, I guess it's likely - you may be a woman now, but there's still a little girl inside. )
So be kind to yourself. Feel your feelings. Let the future come naturally. If you do the work necessary for your healing, you'll either be a cowgirl again, or you'll become something you like better.
If you need to, thin down the herd a bit, but remember, the horses don't mind if you let them sit in a pasture for a year or so. They'll be just as happy and you can still go out to the, groom, breathe in their good smells, and cry into their manes. Pull back and just do what you can, for now. Be kind to yourself, and let the herd be kind to you. Relax into their rhythms, and rest in their living in the here and now. There's a lot that any animal can teach us humans, who get so wrapped up in our heads and minds. Lessons about time. About being present in every moment. About grief and acceptance. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
It was a double betrayal to me, when my friend blamed me. I had no where else to take my horses so they stayed for a year, and I only went out very occassionally to check on them (I knew she would never harm a horse).
As soon as she sold the place I was back to riding. All the way back. I apologized to my horses and as always they loved me right back.
With time, your passion will come back.....just.takes.time. Please be gentle with yourself.
PS.. I get the showing to win too. No sense wasting all that money if you know you don't have a shot.