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Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

Reconciliation :
I hate it when your child makes an

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 stunnedin12 (original poster member #38141) posted at 12:19 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

innocent comment and your wh looks at you knowing full well you're about to come unhinged because of the affair memories.

hate it, hate it, hate it.

We're not even anywhere that we can take a quick 10 minute walk for re-grouping. There's a great big ole' elephant in the room now.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse

Lawyers involved.


posts: 689   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013
id 6609713
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 12:53 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

(((stunned)))

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6609737
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 1:12 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

Is there something he can do for you besides look at you? I know the feeling - it's like, what, are you waiting for me to react?

If touch or a hug would calm you, maybe ask him to give your hand a squeeze the next time he acknowledges such a thing? That way he's not adding his helplessness to yours?

(((stunnedin12)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6609754
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painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 1:18 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

(((((stunned))))) I hear you. I hate it when that happens with a line in a movie, or a comment someone that has no idea makes.

It's awkward, and that look is almost like they aren't sure if you're going to start throwing things or let it go. So awful.

DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

posts: 2249   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2013   ·   location: East Coast
id 6609762
frustrated

steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 1:57 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

We took a long drive today... And the kids were talking... One of my DS15's friends is cheating on his girlfriend,and my son was complaining about it, and DD12 said, "i'm gonna marry someone like Daddy. he'd never cheat on mommy." I wanted to die. Choking back tears while driving in the middle of no where, while WH is home 4 hours away, alone with his computer... First driving trigger... Thank goodness it was dark.

Usually when stuff like that happens WH will grab my hand and squeeze. We both triggered like crazy during Catching Fire. I'm still not happy with the love triangle... Wasn't a fan in the book, either. Now it just makes me want to throw up.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 8:03 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

posts: 2303   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6609793
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 stunnedin12 (original poster member #38141) posted at 11:35 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

Thank you for the helpful ideas. We finally had a chance to talk today.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse

Lawyers involved.


posts: 689   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013
id 6610655
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inshockandhurt ( member #38789) posted at 12:55 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

(((stunned)))

I know how you are feeling; it was a couple months ago so I am over it now but in my case my sweet little three old knew and really liked the OW, so he occasionally asks me where she is... it really sucks. On one occasion a few months back DS said to me, "Mommy, can you be OW? I want you to be OW." I immediately burst into tears; I know he didn't really understand and didn't really mean it but it was devastating nonetheless. Did your WH comfort you past the trigger at least?

Me: 36 BS
Him:38 FWH
Dday 8 years ago
2 sons 1 daughter
Reconciled

Forgiveness means understanding, acceptance, and giving up on looking back.

posts: 291   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2013
id 6610708
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creativecat ( member #41728) posted at 11:31 PM on Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

inshockandhurt...and steadfast...so so so hear those stories. Mine are more like painfulpast mentioned--lines in movies, love songs, greeting card sentiments.

My WH was moving something out of the garage the other day and I offered help. He replies, "No, I can do it by myself." (years of cyber affairs/porn/self-gratification...um, yeah, I'm sure you can, sweetheart). Even the most innocent/natural of responses just makes me shake my head nowadays. Everything seems like a double entendre for sex and triggers something. Oy.

posts: 89   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2013
id 6619926
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steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 11:56 AM on Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

(((Creativecat))) i get those sarcastic responses in my head, too. Exaclty like that.

You know, TV and movies are killing me, lately. Too much adultery, unhealthy boundaries, and hookers. We've had to turn several movies off because of triggers. And the sex is graphic. I mean, I am getting really bored watching FWH play video games all the time, but I'd rather that than these movies getting him back on porn...

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

posts: 2303   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6620453
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