SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

stunnedin12 posted 12/23/2013 18:19 PM

innocent comment and your wh looks at you knowing full well you're about to come unhinged because of the affair memories.

hate it, hate it, hate it.

We're not even anywhere that we can take a quick 10 minute walk for re-grouping. There's a great big ole' elephant in the room now.

jo2love posted 12/23/2013 18:53 PM

(((stunned)))

Jrazz posted 12/23/2013 19:12 PM

Is there something he can do for you besides look at you? I know the feeling - it's like, what, are you waiting for me to react?

If touch or a hug would calm you, maybe ask him to give your hand a squeeze the next time he acknowledges such a thing? That way he's not adding his helplessness to yours?

(((stunnedin12)))

painfulpast posted 12/23/2013 19:18 PM

(((((stunned))))) I hear you. I hate it when that happens with a line in a movie, or a comment someone that has no idea makes.

It's awkward, and that look is almost like they aren't sure if you're going to start throwing things or let it go. So awful.

steadfast1973 posted 12/23/2013 19:57 PM

We took a long drive today... And the kids were talking... One of my DS15's friends is cheating on his girlfriend,and my son was complaining about it, and DD12 said, "i'm gonna marry someone like Daddy. he'd never cheat on mommy." I wanted to die. Choking back tears while driving in the middle of no where, while WH is home 4 hours away, alone with his computer... First driving trigger... Thank goodness it was dark.

Usually when stuff like that happens WH will grab my hand and squeeze. We both triggered like crazy during Catching Fire. I'm still not happy with the love triangle... Wasn't a fan in the book, either. Now it just makes me want to throw up.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 8:03 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

stunnedin12 posted 12/24/2013 17:35 PM

Thank you for the helpful ideas. We finally had a chance to talk today.

inshockandhurt posted 12/24/2013 18:55 PM

(((stunned)))

I know how you are feeling; it was a couple months ago so I am over it now but in my case my sweet little three old knew and really liked the OW, so he occasionally asks me where she is... it really sucks. On one occasion a few months back DS said to me, "Mommy, can you be OW? I want you to be OW." I immediately burst into tears; I know he didn't really understand and didn't really mean it but it was devastating nonetheless. Did your WH comfort you past the trigger at least?

creativecat posted 1/1/2014 17:31 PM

inshockandhurt...and steadfast...so so so hear those stories. Mine are more like painfulpast mentioned--lines in movies, love songs, greeting card sentiments.

My WH was moving something out of the garage the other day and I offered help. He replies, "No, I can do it by myself." (years of cyber affairs/porn/self-gratification...um, yeah, I'm sure you can, sweetheart). Even the most innocent/natural of responses just makes me shake my head nowadays. Everything seems like a double entendre for sex and triggers something. Oy.

steadfast1973 posted 1/2/2014 05:56 AM

(((Creativecat))) i get those sarcastic responses in my head, too. Exaclty like that.

You know, TV and movies are killing me, lately. Too much adultery, unhealthy boundaries, and hookers. We've had to turn several movies off because of triggers. And the sex is graphic. I mean, I am getting really bored watching FWH play video games all the time, but I'd rather that than these movies getting him back on porn...