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Is this a flag?

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fireproof posted 12/24/2013 00:08 AM

I am sensitive and my ex was overly accommodating at times.

In this NB I have found someone who gets irritated or short with my personality. The person is unaware but it is equivalent to a "shhhhh".

I don't think it is meant intentionally to hurt but I don't want to be around someone if obviously I make them irritated.

I have close friends for years who have never done this to me.

Is it something you can change or is it that you are not the best fit?

After what I went through I don't think I can settle and this is new to me. Am I being insensitive to the person and this is more my problem?

jo2love posted 12/24/2013 01:12 AM


This person gets irritated with your personality? You aren't being insensitive to this person. You deserve someone better. Someone that makes you happy and that isn't a giant ass.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:12 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

GabyBaby posted 12/24/2013 01:16 AM vote is "Next!!".

fireproof posted 12/24/2013 07:29 AM

Thank you! I have heard with age everyone has baggage and young love doesn't have time to develop a strong personality. I am not sure if that is true.

Can someone change or is it my responsibility to be aware it is simply in this person's nature and let it be. It might be naive but I do believe in fit. Maybe I am just too goofy.

Life is too short I don't want someone to have to tolerate being irritated and I am not able to handle their irritation.

inconnu posted 12/24/2013 08:04 AM

if this guy is showing irritation at your personality so soon, then it's not a good fit. for you, or for him.

can it be changed? possibly, but probably not for this relationship.

you shouldn't have to settle, and it's a great sign that you have close friends who don't treat you that way.

But, since you are aware you are sensitive and that your ex was overly accommodating, this might be an area for you to examine, to see if you need to do any work on yourself here. It's the being used to someone being overly accommodating part that could be an issue. When we're used to being treated one way, it can be hard to know what normal really is supposed to be.

cayc posted 12/24/2013 08:12 AM

Yeah, that's the sound of disdain. You don't want to get involved with someone who is going to turn you into a self improvement project. You are correct, dating in midlife you have to accept baggage because we all have it, but this isn't that. This is disdain. No one (except maybe my xWH) deserves that.

And by the by, I'm extremely sensitive too. And I tell everyone who gets to know me that yes, it will get on your nerves a little bit. But, all those things you LOVE about me? My loyalty, kindness, compassion, ability to understand you? That all springs from my sensitivity too. So I see it as a blessing. I am who I am because of it. Don't let anyone try and convince you that it's not a good thing.


fireproof posted 12/24/2013 08:47 AM

Thank you for making me feel better. I hope one day I am able to stop thinking so much about my feelings.

How would you approach the subject? Because it isn't mean just something I am not use to and honestly I think it will get worse and no one including me should be miserable.
Better to discuss now.


Chrysalis123 posted 12/24/2013 08:58 AM

I am thinking if someone did that to me more than once, the next time it happened I would say "Ouch"......and wait to see how they responded.

If they ask why I said ouch, I would explain them telling me to "shhh" hurts my feelings etc. etc... I then would watch and see if the behavior continued. If it does continue, I would tell them "Good luck with your search because we are not a match."

If they ignored my "Ouch" I would tell them good luck in their search.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 2:13 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

wildbananas posted 12/24/2013 11:15 AM

Don't be with someone you feel you have to tiptoe around or who you can't be yourself 100% with... I learned that one the hard way.

You two probably just aren't a match. Nothing more or less.

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