Get up. Eat something... anything. Drink lots of water. Think of your boys as your reason for doing these things. As much as you don't deserve what is happening to you, they deserve it even less. they are truly innocent.
My everyday movements are still robotic after a month. The pain is still there, but I am gradually beginning to be able to function. The holidays are forcing me to do some things that I would not otherwise be able to do in this situation, so in some ways it is a blessing.
Please, PLEASE take care of yourself for you and your boys, and let us know how it is going.
I will check in hoping for a progress report later. (((Serenityplz)))
Sending you "HUGS" and "STRENGTH" to get through this roller-coaster ride that you had no vote on the ticket purchase. This journey will be the most painful and excruciating experience you have ever felt.
Now that you know this...know it does get better in time. Know that the decision to stay or leave the marriage will be yours....and thats only "IF" you have a remorsful spouse.
In my case, our only child (in college at the time)had a multi-year Eating disorder which consumed us.... people know so little about eating disorders and I can say the same for the doctors we saw... multiple psychiatrists and psychologists...over a 4 yr period.
I didnt confront wayward wife until 6 weeks after my D-day. ..and gave her a second chance only because of our daughter and today i dont regret that decision. Our daughter had threatened suicide multiple times and was down to 90# (5'8" and a dancer...and of course a dancers body)
Focus on your boys....make them the center of your universe now....for the short term...make their Christmas a good one and no matter how hard it feels, treat your wayward husband with kindness for your sons sake thru Christmas.
If you decide to offer him the "gift" of reconsiliation, the decision to tell others of his infidelity, will be up to you.... there are betrayed spouses on SI that went in both directions (some told others ...some did not)...and will advise you the pros and cons... in the end its up to you.
Right now, make sure to eat, drink liquids excercize...and if needed talk to your dr. and get some meds to help you sleep and or handle your stress/anxiety
Advil PM helpd me sleep for at least 5 hrs before the mind pictures came back. Plus Advil or Tylenol is not habit forming as prescribed meds are.
Do not make any major decisions now.... you have all the time in front of you to make a major decision.
Get yourself into IC...and he needs IC also from what you have told us. ..and eventually MC if you give him the "Gift" of R.
Again...sending you great big hugs, perseverence, fortitude and strength for this journey.
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one D-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
confronted 6 wks later (dropped 35# in those 6 wks and spent 2 days in the hospital with severe chest pains--thought I was having a heart attack)
I contacted AP's faithful wife outed their "A" (she knew nothing)and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NO Contact- July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT selfish, stubborn...lots of mal-adapted coping skills, no boundaries...you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful and she finally understands the true value and extent of the gift I gave her in both "R" and not telling anyone about her "A"
Since then, (one month) my sleep has gradually improved, and I'm better at forcing myself to eat. For sleep, if you have never tried melatonin and/or valerian root, they really help to make you drowsy, are gentle, and not really addictive. Available in the vitamin section.
Of course, I still have nights I can't sleep, and end up on the couch.
Yes, very thoughtful and caring behavior our spouses can engage in.
I've had a decent day until the last hour or so. Starting to trigger hard on Christmas Eve.
Know that you are not alone.
Nowhere left to go but up!
Hi there dear heart.
I'm so so sorry you are having such an beyond awful time not being able to get out of bed.
Been there, just like you.
Please go and see your doctor as soon as you can. All doctors have holiday coverage so you don't have to wait another day. Make the call!
And ALSO re Your Guilt...
If had the flu, and were with a fever of 103 and in bed and literally did not have a spec of energy to wrap presents, you would probably feel terribly, but not as terribly guilty as I imagine you are feeling right now, right????
So, please give yourself a Big Break about the Guilt! Really truly, it's like you've been hit by a bus, a truck, or been hurled through the sea in a tsunami. It's really okay to not be able. Let the guilt go; you are ill, it's not your fault, and you do not need to beat yourself about that ON TOP of everything else!
Please think about that. The Flu, The Truck.
Now, please get up and put something in your mouth. A drink of orange juice, a piece of cheese, an sliced orange or whatever you can get into you.
If you had kids in diapers, you WOULD get up to change them. So do the minimum of what you MUST do to take care of your kids.
Take one step, and then rest, and then take another.
Your kids will keep you going, and please heed the advice of others re doctor. Please don't let yourself spiral. This is the most difficult thing in the world to deal with at this time of year!
I'll be looking out for you. I hope you post again to let us know how you are doing, and you don't have to be brave, just be you. We'll all support you in the best way we can and help guide you through this terrible time!!!
Hope to hear positive news from you soon!
Attempted R - it was
Yes, I've been there; gently, but firmly I'm telling you, get up!!!! You ARE stronger than you know or think!!! I promise!! If, not for yourself, then for your little ones. Listen to some strong positive music.....Pink's "so what" was one of my favs...."dare you to move" switch foot.....those come to my mind. You HAVE to get up.........
Praising God everyday for setting me free.