Serenityplz
Sending you "HUGS" and "STRENGTH" to get through this roller-coaster ride that you had no vote on the ticket purchase. This journey will be the most painful and excruciating experience you have ever felt.
Now that you know this...know it does get better in time. Know that the decision to stay or leave the marriage will be yours....and thats only "IF" you have a remorsful spouse.
In my case, our only child (in college at the time)had a multi-year Eating disorder which consumed us.... people know so little about eating disorders and I can say the same for the doctors we saw... multiple psychiatrists and psychologists...over a 4 yr period.
I didnt confront wayward wife until 6 weeks after my D-day. ..and gave her a second chance only because of our daughter and today i dont regret that decision. Our daughter had threatened suicide multiple times and was down to 90# (5'8" and a dancer...and of course a dancers body)
Focus on your boys....make them the center of your universe now....for the short term...make their Christmas a good one and no matter how hard it feels, treat your wayward husband with kindness for your sons sake thru Christmas.
If you decide to offer him the "gift" of reconsiliation, the decision to tell others of his infidelity, will be up to you.... there are betrayed spouses on SI that went in both directions (some told others ...some did not)...and will advise you the pros and cons... in the end its up to you.
Right now, make sure to eat, drink liquids excercize...and if needed talk to your dr. and get some meds to help you sleep and or handle your stress/anxiety
Advil PM helpd me sleep for at least 5 hrs before the mind pictures came back. Plus Advil or Tylenol is not habit forming as prescribed meds are.
Do not make any major decisions now.... you have all the time in front of you to make a major decision.
Get yourself into IC...and he needs IC also from what you have told us. ..and eventually MC if you give him the "Gift" of R.
Again...sending you great big hugs, perseverence, fortitude and strength for this journey.
me: 58
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one D-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
D-day 3-13-12
confronted 6 wks later (dropped 35# in those 6 wks and spent 2 days in the hospital with severe chest pains--thought I was having a heart attack)
I contacted AP's faithful wife outed their "A" (she knew nothing)and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NO Contact- July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT selfish, stubborn...lots of mal-adapted coping skills, no boundaries...you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful and she finally understands the true value and extent of the gift I gave her in both "R" and not telling anyone about her "A"