SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

TryingEveryday posted 12/24/2013 11:35 AM

Today is the antiversary of Dday. Prepared to have it suck!

But . . .

We woke up in a great place.

We made love.

She said to me: "You are my world. You are my best friend. I can't ever live without you."

And I know she means it. She has been saying so for a year now, through good days and bad, through all the tears and remorse and guilt and shit.

True R can happen.

It did here.

If you're struggling - hold on.

Merry Christmas all.

AFrayedKnot posted 12/24/2013 11:58 AM

thank you for the hope

Skan posted 12/24/2013 15:26 PM

Your post made me smile!

BrokenMomof2 posted 12/24/2013 19:23 PM

I needed to read this tonight. Thank you

iwillNOT posted 12/24/2013 19:43 PM

Merry Christmas

Thanks for the present( your positive post).

ziganska posted 12/24/2013 20:30 PM

TryingEveryDay,

So happy to read something like this! We all need hope.

Can you tell us what has worked for you to get to this point?

TryingEveryday posted 12/25/2013 15:03 PM

The main thing is that my wife, from day one, was totally committed to the R. She knew that her cheating was a move of desperation and from the moment we started to fix things, she was 100% in. I honestly don't know how people who are dealing with spouses who are only partly committed survive or succeed and my heart goes out to them. In our case, my wife's depression had her perception totally screwed up, and I didn't help with my inability to really convey how I felt. We've fixed those things, over time.

So, it isn't some secret formula, but if the wandering spouse has the ability to recommit, and shows true remorse and desire to repair, it can be done.

One thing I have to say, though, is that my wife had two ONSs. Hurtful of course. Devastating. But for her, they were a means to an end. She had decided she needed out of our marriage and she was too chicken to do it any other way. She knew I would find out and chose that way of ending things. She didn't think there was any way I'd stay. She was wrong. But, the two other people involved are in no way involved in our life. They both live far, far away and there is zero contact with them. Zero. My wife hates the thought of them, and never, ever wanted any sort of relationship with either. Again, they were a means to an end. So what I'm saying is we didn't have that aspect to deal with either. Makes it much easier. I honestly don't know if I could deal with a LTA. Or an EA. Not sure I'd be strong enough.

The moment my wife came out of the fog and realized she needed to fix her depression and also realized that my love for her was profound (instead of nonexistent like she thought and I apparently conveyed), we were on the right track.

It's taken a year, and I've had all of the mind movies, depression, grief, anger, etc., and I'm sure there will be more, but we now know we are truly in this life together, and forever, and that we are best friends.

It's a good place to be, but with a terrible way of getting there.

I wish you all luck and strength and healing.

Thank you SI, for all that you did for me. I don't really think I'll be back for awhile, as I feel the need to move on and live this life with my soulmate. But as I said in my first post - it can be done!

Kap12 posted 12/25/2013 15:42 PM

Thank you for this!! I really needed to read this.

Yakamishi posted 12/25/2013 16:50 PM

Needed that.

dmg35 posted 12/25/2013 22:09 PM

Thank you for the hope.... much needed at this time in my R.

lostcovenants posted 12/26/2013 11:25 AM

Yes, thank you for sharing that your R is going well. We have MC today and my stomach is in knots.

Wishing us all more love and happiness in our lives.

siriannic posted 12/26/2013 12:34 PM

TryingEveryday:

Thank you for posting this. Your situation mirrors mine in many ways and it is nice to hear that couple have made it.

My wife had a three week affair, which resulted in a intercourse once. She immediately ended it when I found out, there was no emotional attachment and zero contact. We found out after the fact that she was suffering from post-partum depression, after having our twins, which she has addressed with psychiatrists, psychotherapists and drugs.

My wife is back - I didn't realize that she left. Not an excuse, but mental health issues are responsible for strange things.

I agree with your comment about not being able to deal with an emotional affair or a long term one. I too, don't know if I would have found the strength, kids or no kids.

For anyone else out there, I am about four months out from full disclosure and we are doing well. I am doing as best as possible I would imagine, still fighting mind movies, still have questions, but by the end of the day I know that we will find a way to work things out. We are approaching this as something we need to overcome - not my wife's problem or mine.

I don't think think that I can place myself in the 'I'm over it', or 'I survived' category yet, but I do know that I will be there at some point, with my wife, and family in tact. But that is only because my wife has been doing all of the right things to correct her moment of 'madness'.

Again thanks for providing a story that I can relate to and others can turn to for inspiration.

Trying2Survive1 posted 12/26/2013 12:38 PM

Awesome! Thank you for the encouragement!