Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Ganon27

Reconciliation :
It can happen!

This Topic is Archived
default

 TryingEveryday (original poster new member #39429) posted at 5:35 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

Today is the antiversary of Dday. Prepared to have it suck!

But . . .

We woke up in a great place.

We made love.

She said to me: "You are my world. You are my best friend. I can't ever live without you."

And I know she means it. She has been saying so for a year now, through good days and bad, through all the tears and remorse and guilt and shit.

True R can happen.

It did here.

If you're struggling - hold on.

Merry Christmas all.

Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

posts: 39   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Montana
id 6610385
default

AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 5:58 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

thank you for the hope

BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"

posts: 2859   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2012
id 6610409
default

Skan ( member #35812) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

Your post made me smile!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6610561
default

BrokenMomof2 ( member #41219) posted at 1:23 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

I needed to read this tonight. Thank you

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

posts: 86   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: ND
id 6610731
default

iwillNOT ( member #40605) posted at 1:43 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Merry Christmas

Thanks for the present( your positive post).

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6610747
default

ziganska ( member #41690) posted at 2:30 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

TryingEveryDay,

So happy to read something like this! We all need hope.

Can you tell us what has worked for you to get to this point?

Me: 42
Him: 49
DD: 12/2/2013
Married: 9 years but together for 15
Recovering, Reconciling, Rebuilding, Restoring

posts: 123   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2013   ·   location: New York
id 6610811
default

 TryingEveryday (original poster new member #39429) posted at 9:03 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

The main thing is that my wife, from day one, was totally committed to the R. She knew that her cheating was a move of desperation and from the moment we started to fix things, she was 100% in. I honestly don't know how people who are dealing with spouses who are only partly committed survive or succeed and my heart goes out to them. In our case, my wife's depression had her perception totally screwed up, and I didn't help with my inability to really convey how I felt. We've fixed those things, over time.

So, it isn't some secret formula, but if the wandering spouse has the ability to recommit, and shows true remorse and desire to repair, it can be done.

One thing I have to say, though, is that my wife had two ONSs. Hurtful of course. Devastating. But for her, they were a means to an end. She had decided she needed out of our marriage and she was too chicken to do it any other way. She knew I would find out and chose that way of ending things. She didn't think there was any way I'd stay. She was wrong. But, the two other people involved are in no way involved in our life. They both live far, far away and there is zero contact with them. Zero. My wife hates the thought of them, and never, ever wanted any sort of relationship with either. Again, they were a means to an end. So what I'm saying is we didn't have that aspect to deal with either. Makes it much easier. I honestly don't know if I could deal with a LTA. Or an EA. Not sure I'd be strong enough.

The moment my wife came out of the fog and realized she needed to fix her depression and also realized that my love for her was profound (instead of nonexistent like she thought and I apparently conveyed), we were on the right track.

It's taken a year, and I've had all of the mind movies, depression, grief, anger, etc., and I'm sure there will be more, but we now know we are truly in this life together, and forever, and that we are best friends.

It's a good place to be, but with a terrible way of getting there.

I wish you all luck and strength and healing.

Thank you SI, for all that you did for me. I don't really think I'll be back for awhile, as I feel the need to move on and live this life with my soulmate. But as I said in my first post - it can be done!

Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

posts: 39   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Montana
id 6611554
default

Kap12 ( member #41759) posted at 9:42 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Thank you for this!! I really needed to read this.

posts: 62   ·   registered: Dec. 23rd, 2013
id 6611590
default

Yakamishi ( member #38230) posted at 10:50 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Needed that.

Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

posts: 251   ·   registered: Jan. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: MA
id 6611628
default

dmg35 ( new member #41552) posted at 4:09 AM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013

Thank you for the hope.... much needed at this time in my R.

posts: 34   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2013   ·   location: north east
id 6611886
default

lostcovenants ( member #40637) posted at 5:25 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013

Yes, thank you for sharing that your R is going well. We have MC today and my stomach is in knots.

Wishing us all more love and happiness in our lives.

DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered

posts: 265   ·   registered: Sep. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6612360
default

siriannic ( new member #41403) posted at 6:34 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013

TryingEveryday:

Thank you for posting this. Your situation mirrors mine in many ways and it is nice to hear that couple have made it.

My wife had a three week affair, which resulted in a intercourse once. She immediately ended it when I found out, there was no emotional attachment and zero contact. We found out after the fact that she was suffering from post-partum depression, after having our twins, which she has addressed with psychiatrists, psychotherapists and drugs.

My wife is back - I didn't realize that she left. Not an excuse, but mental health issues are responsible for strange things.

I agree with your comment about not being able to deal with an emotional affair or a long term one. I too, don't know if I would have found the strength, kids or no kids.

For anyone else out there, I am about four months out from full disclosure and we are doing well. I am doing as best as possible I would imagine, still fighting mind movies, still have questions, but by the end of the day I know that we will find a way to work things out. We are approaching this as something we need to overcome - not my wife's problem or mine.

I don't think think that I can place myself in the 'I'm over it', or 'I survived' category yet, but I do know that I will be there at some point, with my wife, and family in tact. But that is only because my wife has been doing all of the right things to correct her moment of 'madness'.

Again thanks for providing a story that I can relate to and others can turn to for inspiration.

Staying as positive as possible.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6612434
default

Trying2Survive1 ( member #40022) posted at 6:38 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013

Awesome! Thank you for the encouragement!

Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy

posts: 436   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2013   ·   location: The Upside Down
id 6612443
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy