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Newest Member: HelloRain (46007)

User Topic: What I've learned about myself...
loli
♀ 41197
Member # 41197
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nearly 2 months since D-day,and I'm starting to have an immense amount of clarity that I hope will only continue as time progresses.

Most importantly, my clarity is about myself and who I was in this marriage. I, in no absolute way, blame myself for my WS 6 year LTA. But, I have come to see how as he pulled away into his fantasy world, I filled the spaces he left empty and built the marriage on my own.

I look back and realize all the times I was alone and he was travelling for "work", I was actually lonely. I suppressed my own desires, my own dreams, my own wants, sacrificing nearly EVERYTHING for an ungrateful, selfish man, only to find myself suffocating under the weight of a marriage that I was holding up by MYSELF.

What a massive relief to feel like that weight is lifting from me….now I can start to understand who I want to truly be for the rest of my life..I can start putting my own needs before anyone else's and hopefully, become fulfilled in the process.

That is my Christmas present to myself.
Happy HOlidays to all!


Me 40
WH 41
14 years married
3 Kids (6,9,12)
DD Oct.28 '13
PA: 6 years!!!

Posts: 39 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Europe
lostandhopless
♂ 41568
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas loli, you deserve this gift to yourself...


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14


Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2013
Girlietoo
♀ 38719
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a wonderful gift. I hope all betrayed spouses can find their way to this gift too.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
JustWow
♀ 19636
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go girl, putting yourself at the top of your nice list!!!! And you so deserve it


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3646 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
BrokenMomof2
♀ 41219
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats great! I have begun to have some clarity about who I am as well, its a wonderful feeling


Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ 39114
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto for me!!!

I was actually lonely. I suppressed my own desires, my own dreams, my own wants, sacrificing nearly EVERYTHING for an ungrateful, selfish man, only to find myself suffocating under the weight of a marriage that I was holding up by MYSELF.

It sucks to realize it, (feel so dumb!), but it's also so freeing!


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
fadedrainbow
♀ 9280
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. I wished I had the same insights as you so close to DD. Instead I wasted years trying to reconcile while continuing to wear rose coloured glasses. You story is similar to mine. (((loli)))


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 140 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
Quakingaspen
♀ 41153
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too! You said it so well.

I also realized that I've worked really hard to become invisible so no one will really see me and see how lonely and needy I am. I was afraid for so long that someone might see how vulnerable I was really. I thought I was the weak link in our marriage. Know so much better now.


I've seen enough.

WS-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
Quakingaspen
♀ 41153
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too! You said it so well.

I also realized that I've worked really hard to become invisible so no one will really see me and see how lonely and needy I am. I was afraid for so long that someone might see how vulnerable I was really. I thought I was the weak link in our marriage. Know so much better now.


I've seen enough.

WS-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ 39114
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sad that I stayed so lonely for so long.

I'm mad at myself, AND i understand how that happened, so I'm not that mad. More sad that I wasted time.

I'm more thankful that I woke up. Wish it didn't take infidelity to do that to me, but i can't believe i'm saying this but it was probably worth it.

I really needed to wake up!


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Topic Posts: 10

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