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What I've learned about myself...

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loli posted 12/24/2013 15:02 PM

Nearly 2 months since D-day,and I'm starting to have an immense amount of clarity that I hope will only continue as time progresses.

Most importantly, my clarity is about myself and who I was in this marriage. I, in no absolute way, blame myself for my WS 6 year LTA. But, I have come to see how as he pulled away into his fantasy world, I filled the spaces he left empty and built the marriage on my own.

I look back and realize all the times I was alone and he was travelling for "work", I was actually lonely. I suppressed my own desires, my own dreams, my own wants, sacrificing nearly EVERYTHING for an ungrateful, selfish man, only to find myself suffocating under the weight of a marriage that I was holding up by MYSELF.

What a massive relief to feel like that weight is lifting from me….now I can start to understand who I want to truly be for the rest of my life..I can start putting my own needs before anyone else's and hopefully, become fulfilled in the process.

That is my Christmas present to myself.
Happy HOlidays to all!

lostandhopless posted 12/24/2013 15:52 PM

Merry Christmas loli, you deserve this gift to yourself...

Girlietoo posted 12/24/2013 20:43 PM

What a wonderful gift. I hope all betrayed spouses can find their way to this gift too.

JustWow posted 12/24/2013 20:50 PM

Way to go girl, putting yourself at the top of your nice list!!!! And you so deserve it

BrokenMomof2 posted 12/24/2013 21:28 PM

Thats great! I have begun to have some clarity about who I am as well, its a wonderful feeling

TheAgonyOfIt posted 12/25/2013 00:42 AM

Ditto for me!!!

I was actually lonely. I suppressed my own desires, my own dreams, my own wants, sacrificing nearly EVERYTHING for an ungrateful, selfish man, only to find myself suffocating under the weight of a marriage that I was holding up by MYSELF.

It sucks to realize it, (feel so dumb!), but it's also so freeing!

fadedrainbow posted 12/25/2013 01:38 AM

Good for you. I wished I had the same insights as you so close to DD. Instead I wasted years trying to reconcile while continuing to wear rose coloured glasses. You story is similar to mine. (((loli)))

Quakingaspen posted 12/25/2013 11:20 AM

Me too! You said it so well.

I also realized that I've worked really hard to become invisible so no one will really see me and see how lonely and needy I am. I was afraid for so long that someone might see how vulnerable I was really. I thought I was the weak link in our marriage. Know so much better now.

Quakingaspen posted 12/25/2013 11:20 AM

Me too! You said it so well.

I also realized that I've worked really hard to become invisible so no one will really see me and see how lonely and needy I am. I was afraid for so long that someone might see how vulnerable I was really. I thought I was the weak link in our marriage. Know so much better now.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 12/25/2013 12:09 PM

I am so sad that I stayed so lonely for so long.

I'm mad at myself, AND i understand how that happened, so I'm not that mad. More sad that I wasted time.

I'm more thankful that I woke up. Wish it didn't take infidelity to do that to me, but i can't believe i'm saying this but it was probably worth it.

I really needed to wake up!

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