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Seriously, I'm beside myself. Angry, sad, hurt all of it! And Xmas eve. I four little girls, with shining, bright, eager little hearts and I can't even look at them right now.

Why now? Why today of all days.

My heart is breaking AND I feel guilty and horrible.

I'm sitting in the car, downtown, with a list of stuff to get and I can't get out of the car. I'm stuck. I'm broken. I can't do it anymore.

You can do this, one step at a time.

Put the pain on the shelf just for a few minutes.

Come on, I will go with you.

Four little girls, what did they ask Santa for?

ETA:

By the looks of your join date you are exactly where I was 6 years ago. I know the pain, the feeling like you will vomit at the drop of a hat.The wishing the holidays could just pass...

Don't let his A take this very special Christmas from you and your girls.Stand up, you can do this.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:08 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

Start with a bit of self compassion
I'm at the end of a very tough Christmas Eve now the other side of the Atlantic.
I had stuff to do and it was hard
One step at a time
Focus on the now and the kids
Do the stuff you really have to and no more
Call in help from anyone.
This shit hurts but you are not alone x

For your kids - you can do this. Say it out loud! I can so this for Sweet A and B and C and D.

My Christmas is for my sweet granddaughter who is soooo excited for Santa to come. I'm not going to let her hurt like I do.

The wishing the holidays could just pass...

This and what you, Morhurt, are feeling are my feelings as well. I'm so ready for the holidays to be over. It's supposed to a HAPPY time but this year just plain ole sucks. It's Christmas Eve and all I want to do is cry.

(((Morhurt)))

Sending you (((hugs))) and strength.

I'm trying. Not succeeding, not at all, but trying.

just get through it

dont have to do it perfectly, just getting through is success.

You can do this! I said the same thing to a friend of mine today and she told me to "buck up and put your big girl panties on!" she was right! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for! And 4 beautiful daughters!? You are truly blessed!! I hope the joy on their faces brings you some comfort! :)

Thank you. You're right. Doing it.
I forgot that I don't have to solve it or decide something today. I think I was/am angry that DH is getting a nice Xmas. But it's not about him.
I love you guys.

I think I was/am angry that DH is getting a nice Xmas

It only looks nice on the outside, don't worry he has his own pain to deal with.

Snuggle with the girls, I would love the chance to have my kids be little again.

((Morhurt))

Focus on your darling daughters. I have four children of my own and they are the only reason why I am getting through this Christmas. This is such a special and magical time for them and it warms my cynical heart to see their joy. Just take it one moment at a time, let their laughter and merriment draw you in.

Merry Christmas!

I hope you were able to get through it and have a nice Christmas morning with your girls. I know how you're feeling, though, and haven't at all wanted Christmas to come. Fortunately, WH stepped up and while we did the shopping together in stores and online, he did all of the wrapping and cooking for breakfast morning (his family all comes over).