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Newest Member: wileyconfused (46027)

User Topic: *I* am betraying my vows??????
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wtf?
If I decide I dont want to deal with his addiction (because it's a disease) I am breaking the part where I vowed to support him in sickness??????????


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.


Posts: 1806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry

Fuck him.

Really, he has been breaking his vows to you for YEARS.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree.
He is crazy.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.


Posts: 1806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not obligated to stay. He's still using addict-speak.

FTG.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3861 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is where I am right now.
I will let him stay tonight and tomorrow so he will be here for Christmas with the kids.
Thursday he leaves.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.


Posts: 1806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have some pretty awesome bitch boots....you need to borrow them?

We will support you no matter where you end up.

Kicking his ass to the curb might just light a fire under him. Even if you D'd a healthy dad for your kids would be ideal.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, my concept is that even He gave the BS a free card out of the hell that is being married to an UNREMORSE wayward who continues on in that way . . . . . . you may not divorce EXCEPT for adultery, sexual immorality . . . .


you can have peace of mind on that note.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 661 | Registered: Mar 2003
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((whiteflower)))) Glad you see beyond that noise. Peace to you and your kids, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26478 | Registered: Aug 2011
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing like getting a good *guilt trip* for Christmas is there?.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gma56
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After an affair from a spouse, I feel all vows need to be resaid. Everything is broken during and after an affair. addiction or no addiction.
Dealing with addiction is another beast entirely. You can only be supportive but if recovery doesn't suceed, you will have to decide when you're done be supportive. You can't cure him but when dealing with any kind of addiction that continues, you are being used and/or abused.


No you aren't breaking a vow when he already has many times over. Whether it was from addiction or not, he chose to cheat and continue to lie.

This is my opinion. Think about how hard he has worked to control his addiction ? Has he fought long and hard or has just placed blame and used it as an excuse ?
Big Hugs, when it's your future , happiness, security, and love, you do have the choice to continue in the relationship.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG. In spades.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5221 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Bobbi_sue
♀ 10347
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If something like that was said to me by an addict (including sex, drugs, or alcohol) still in their "disease" it would simply fall on deaf ears. He can think or say whatever he wants. Maybe it is breaking vows in his view and in the view of others.

I simply would take advantage of the laws that say you can get a D for irreconcilable differences and be done with it.


Posts: 5791 | Registered: Apr 2006
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck him!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
lordhasaplan?
♂ 30079
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Selfish much! It's always about him right? What he wants.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1935 | Registered: Nov 2010
realitybites
♀ 6908
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By most religions and beliefs he broke all vows when he committed adultry. So therefore he broke the pact in spades, you basically are divorced after that except for on paper or by the grace of the BS.

Its called enabling and you are choosing to not do that....good for you.


Posts: 5705 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So that 'forsaking all others' isn't a vow, but 'in sickness and in health' is?

Yeah, ignore it. You are NOT obligated to do anything but protect yourself.

(((((hugs)))))


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The contract (your vows) was broken by him, long before his behavior qualified for addiction status.
He voided the contract - he must forego the vows offered as his own are foregone. To expect otherwise is selfish, mindfuckery on his part. If he were remorseful - he couldn't say that to you.

((whiteflower))

[This message edited by Take2 at 10:07 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Eudaimonia
♀ 32445
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ninja, please.

The contract (your vows) was broken by him, long before his behavior qualified for addiction status.
He voided the contract - he must forego the vows offered as his own are foregone. To expect otherwise is selfish, mindfuckery on his part. If he were remorseful - he couldn't say that to you.

This times one thousand.


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I decide I dont want to deal with his addiction (because it's a disease) I am breaking the part where I vowed to support him in sickness

You are not necessarily breaking your vows. IMO, it would depend on what specifically you don't want to deal with. What do you have to deal with that is more important than helping your WH?

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 12:18 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5757 | Registered: Aug 2007
hathnofury
♀ 32550
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is where I am right now.
I will let him stay tonight and tomorrow so he will be here for Christmas with the kids.
Thursday he leaves.

(((whiteflower)))
This is the best thing you can do for yourself and for him. You need this poison out of your life, and he needs to hit rock bottom and experience the consequences of his actions. And I would also consult a L ASAP to protect yourself.

Please be kind to yourself. Do something for you.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1494 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

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