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*I* am betraying my vows??????

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whiteflower99 posted 12/24/2013 19:18 PM

Wtf?
If I decide I dont want to deal with his addiction (because it's a disease) I am breaking the part where I vowed to support him in sickness??????????

karmahappens posted 12/24/2013 19:21 PM

I am sorry

Fuck him.

Really, he has been breaking his vows to you for YEARS.

whiteflower99 posted 12/24/2013 19:23 PM

I agree.
He is crazy.

Lionne posted 12/24/2013 19:36 PM

You are not obligated to stay. He's still using addict-speak.

FTG.

whiteflower99 posted 12/24/2013 20:00 PM

Here is where I am right now.
I will let him stay tonight and tomorrow so he will be here for Christmas with the kids.
Thursday he leaves.

karmahappens posted 12/24/2013 20:04 PM

I have some pretty awesome bitch boots....you need to borrow them?

We will support you no matter where you end up.

Kicking his ass to the curb might just light a fire under him. Even if you D'd a healthy dad for your kids would be ideal.

(((hugs)))

shiloe posted 12/24/2013 20:18 PM

Well, my concept is that even He gave the BS a free card out of the hell that is being married to an UNREMORSE wayward who continues on in that way . . . . . . you may not divorce EXCEPT for adultery, sexual immorality . . . .


you can have peace of mind on that note.

nowiknow23 posted 12/24/2013 20:21 PM

((((whiteflower)))) Glad you see beyond that noise. Peace to you and your kids, honey.

gonnabe2016 posted 12/24/2013 20:28 PM

Nothing like getting a good *guilt trip* for Christmas is there?.....

gma56 posted 12/24/2013 21:19 PM

After an affair from a spouse, I feel all vows need to be resaid. Everything is broken during and after an affair. addiction or no addiction.
Dealing with addiction is another beast entirely. You can only be supportive but if recovery doesn't suceed, you will have to decide when you're done be supportive. You can't cure him but when dealing with any kind of addiction that continues, you are being used and/or abused.


No you aren't breaking a vow when he already has many times over. Whether it was from addiction or not, he chose to cheat and continue to lie.

This is my opinion. Think about how hard he has worked to control his addiction ? Has he fought long and hard or has just placed blame and used it as an excuse ?
Big Hugs, when it's your future , happiness, security, and love, you do have the choice to continue in the relationship.
Gma

Skan posted 12/24/2013 21:30 PM

FTG. In spades.

Bobbi_sue posted 12/25/2013 03:52 AM

If something like that was said to me by an addict (including sex, drugs, or alcohol) still in their "disease" it would simply fall on deaf ears. He can think or say whatever he wants. Maybe it is breaking vows in his view and in the view of others.

I simply would take advantage of the laws that say you can get a D for irreconcilable differences and be done with it.

Pass posted 12/25/2013 07:50 AM

Fuck him!

lordhasaplan? posted 12/25/2013 09:34 AM

Selfish much! It's always about him right? What he wants.

realitybites posted 12/25/2013 09:51 AM

By most religions and beliefs he broke all vows when he committed adultry. So therefore he broke the pact in spades, you basically are divorced after that except for on paper or by the grace of the BS.

Its called enabling and you are choosing to not do that....good for you.

painfulpast posted 12/25/2013 09:57 AM

So that 'forsaking all others' isn't a vow, but 'in sickness and in health' is?

Yeah, ignore it. You are NOT obligated to do anything but protect yourself.

(((((hugs)))))

Take2 posted 12/25/2013 10:02 AM

The contract (your vows) was broken by him, long before his behavior qualified for addiction status.
He voided the contract - he must forego the vows offered as his own are foregone. To expect otherwise is selfish, mindfuckery on his part. If he were remorseful - he couldn't say that to you.

((whiteflower))

[This message edited by Take2 at 10:07 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Eudaimonia posted 12/25/2013 12:07 PM

Ninja, please.

The contract (your vows) was broken by him, long before his behavior qualified for addiction status.
He voided the contract - he must forego the vows offered as his own are foregone. To expect otherwise is selfish, mindfuckery on his part. If he were remorseful - he couldn't say that to you.

This times one thousand.

HardenMyHeart posted 12/25/2013 12:18 PM

If I decide I dont want to deal with his addiction (because it's a disease) I am breaking the part where I vowed to support him in sickness

You are not necessarily breaking your vows. IMO, it would depend on what specifically you don't want to deal with. What do you have to deal with that is more important than helping your WH?

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 12:18 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

hathnofury posted 12/25/2013 18:39 PM

Here is where I am right now.
I will let him stay tonight and tomorrow so he will be here for Christmas with the kids.
Thursday he leaves.

(((whiteflower)))
This is the best thing you can do for yourself and for him. You need this poison out of your life, and he needs to hit rock bottom and experience the consequences of his actions. And I would also consult a L ASAP to protect yourself.

Please be kind to yourself. Do something for you.

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