"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Flourgirl posted 12/24/2013 19:44 PM

I was going to a family get together and had a mishap with the garage door. My brother came and picked up the kids and I. When it was time to go home WH was there with his van. I tried to ride home in it but I burst into tars and felt like I couldn't breath. I have not been in his van since finding out he had sex with her in it. I know all the gory details and I couldn't take it. I got out after a couple blocks and walked home. The cold temps were far easier to handle than the mind movies in the car. We are not in a place financially able to get him a new car. He bought me a new car a couple weeks before he started his affair. Then he lost his job so we are barely making it. Did I overreact. How do I ride in that car again?

iwillNOT posted 12/24/2013 20:10 PM

I'm so sorry. I can relate. My WH and his AP met up mainly in our van, for sex. I told him neither I nor my kids would ever set foot in that van again, and we did not. He sold it and bought something else, both were used cars. We only had one car for a few weeks but we made it work. Is that an option for you?

nowiknow23 posted 12/24/2013 20:12 PM

((((Flourgirl)))) I'm sorry, honey. Glad you made it home ok.

JustWow posted 12/24/2013 20:28 PM

Well, compared to me you under-reacted. Had H donate the whoremobile to charity. Did not even want to see it in my driveway while he tried to sell it. Lucky I didn't torch the thing....

Anyhooo, nope. I'm voting that you did not overreact.

(((hugs))))

Flourgirl posted 12/24/2013 21:09 PM

As soon as WH gets a new job the van is gone. I live in affair land. He took her to the park we walk our kids to and had sex in her and his car. I can't go to that park anymore it makes me sick. She works 2 miles from our house right in front of our grocery store and bank. He loves Starbucks but last time we were in line for coffee we were starting at her car. I want to torch his car and move away from here but we are stuck. I really hate my life right now.
On top of the A stuff we are struggling financially for the first time in a long time. My great aunt who lived with us died on Christmas, I miss my dad and this was his favorite holiday and this makes it all worse. 7 years ago I miscarried on Christmas mourning and was devastated but at least then I had support. I tried to talk to my sisters about being depressed and they told me to buck up. It was 5 months ago and if I'm going to stay with him I need to be happy. They told me the world doesn't revolve around me. All this fake family togetherness may push me over the edge! Thank you for listening to my rant and understanding that it isn't just a van anymore. It's the place my world fell apart.

LifeIsBroken posted 12/24/2013 22:16 PM

Apparently, neither of your sisters have been faced with infidelity or they would be far more compassionate. Ignore them, they don't have a clue what you are dealing with.

We went through a Christmas with all the phony that went along with it, everyone walking on eggshells, careful to only say the 'right' things. Two months later I went to the bank then saw an attorney that afternoon.

If wayward spouses have so little personal content that they can cheat in the first place, I have little faith they could ever really understand what their cheating does to their BS.

As far as the car the bimbo rode in and probably screwed him in ? The judge ordered it sold within 60 days of our hearing. Bye, bye, corvette.

nowiknow23 posted 12/24/2013 22:23 PM

I tried to talk to my sisters about being depressed and they told me to buck up. It was 5 months ago and if I'm going to stay with him I need to be happy. They told me the world doesn't revolve around me.

Oh, hell no. Nobody gets to tell you to "buck up." Screw that noise.

Honey, you don't have to ask anyone for lenience or support. You get to tell them what you need. They can always ignore it, but you don't have to cave to anyone's pressure. Do only what is best for you, ok?

Sounds to me like a bout of "the stomach flu" is warranted. You have my permission to call in "sick" to any family togetherness opportunity you don't want to attend.

The nerve of some people.
(((((flourgirl)))))

wanttogoforward posted 12/24/2013 22:39 PM

I want to slap your sisters silly.... they have obviously not been through this.... and someday if they are you will likely have a heart too big to say to them this same thing! NO ONE has to just buck up! Honey, you sooo deserve to live a happy life.
My dday was in December... that first Christmas was so freaking hard.... YOU will get through but let us support you since the sisters will not. They simply do not understand... and may never.

As far as that car goes I would feel the same way! I would rather walk just like you. Even if my H has to trade it in for a hunk of junk it would be better than being triggered every day just looking at it!Is it possible to trade for a cheap piece of crap- he would deserve to be driving junk as a daily reminder of his actions.... hell, he should be GLAD to drive a steaming heap of junk if it makes you feel better.... hugs to you tonight!

Flourgirl posted 12/26/2013 02:00 AM

Thank you for your words of encouragement. No my sisters have not experienced infidelity in their marriages and I pray they don't. They don't want me to stay with my husband and are not supportive. I made it through the holiday thanks to all of you. It helps to know I'm not going crazy or being impossible. This was a rough Christmas for us but I made it. You guys are the greatest!

WhatsRight posted 12/26/2013 10:26 AM

I had to ride in the van my WH picked up the prostitute in for a l o n g time! Years. She sat in the very seat I had to sit in. I would put a blanket in it -never sat in it without using some sort of "seat condom". My kids would say - "Mama, whats wrong? That seat isn't dirty."

One day I had finally had it. The van had been parked at a family member's house. I asked where it was, because I had decided to torch it. It had been sold for scrap or something.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. Would new seat covers help?????