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 Jen (original poster member #26584) posted at 3:48 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

I remember my first Christmas here on the boards and it was scary, and oh so lonely. Just a note to know your not alone and someone is thinking of you all tonight, tomorrow and as you start the new year.

(((Hugs to you all)))

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 6610881
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swizzlestick03 ( member #30102) posted at 3:52 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Me too! That first Christmas JFO was horrible! Even though it doesn't seem like it right now, you will not only survive this horrific mess, you will thrive! It really will be ok--and you will be ok too!

Thinking of us all tonight struggling with the monster that is infidelity. May you all know you are loved and cared about tonight, from our home to yours.

Me: BW-36
Him: WS-35
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One smallish kiddo.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2010
id 6610887
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 4:04 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

(((hugs))) Last year was my 1st year. I remember how strange it was. I'm glad to be here for y-all.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6610903
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 Jen (original poster member #26584) posted at 4:09 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Because, well, simply Minions are awesome

[This message edited by booger bear at 10:10 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 6610912
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tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 4:13 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Great thread, BB.

This is my third Christmas after DDay, and it gets better every year. You'll get through this, and you're not alone.

Sending the JFO folk positive thoughts and strength to get through the holidays.

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

posts: 4079   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011
id 6610918
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mandan66 ( member #40075) posted at 4:29 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

BIG thanks to all of you!!!

I am sitting here right now stuggling; and I thought earlier in the day I was going to be fine---wrong!!!

My first alone (the X has the kids) ever in my life, I think. It is hard, and really strange when I think about it.

Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

posts: 121   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2013   ·   location: KS
id 6610945
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7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 4:38 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Yep over 2 years out from Dday, the kids are with STBXWW tonight. Santa has already been to my house so thinking of others on SI as well. Holidays do get better with time.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

posts: 2231   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2011   ·   location: VA
id 6610949
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 Jen (original poster member #26584) posted at 4:39 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

(((Dan)))

I really just cannot imagine having to share children. It is a bitter pill for me to swallow but I am thankful Xh and I have no children. I really don't think I could do it. Those of you who do have my immense respect and awe ... So many of you carry it off W/O problem, one that the kids can see. Breaks my heart when you all come here to vent/sad.

I wish for you strength and peace this Holiday. I wish I could do more ....

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 6610951
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 5:39 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Thanks Booger Bear

It is hard, but coming here makes it ever so much easier.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6610982
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caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 7:00 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Merry Christmas, BB! You are dear to me and so sweet to post this message. I will find and bump the hugs thread and you can put one of your great hugs pics there.

Hang in there all. This Christmas may be hard, but there are possibilities ahead that are worth getting to.

Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

posts: 7063   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2010   ·   location: a better place
id 6611057
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karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 11:46 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

We are on our 7th Christmas after dday

Does that make me old?

I remember the first, I hadn't found SI and navigated through blindly. We hadn't decided to R yet and I spent most of the holidays covered in snot, tears and booger bubbles.

It gets better, don't try to make it special right now, just get through it. Enjoy the kids.

Take it slow and know we are all here knowing your pain and walking along side you.

(((hugs))) to everyone.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 5:47 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

posts: 4036   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 6611151
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Alex CR ( member #27968) posted at 12:07 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

This is our fourth Xmas since Dday....... I don't remember much about the first. Was in a state of shock.

But it does get better......

Be good to yourselves....hugs to everyone......

BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the positive...one road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

posts: 1861   ·   registered: Mar. 18th, 2010
id 6611160
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sunsetslost ( member #39885) posted at 2:06 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

I'm here too friends. It's my first Christmas "alone" but I'm not alone thanks to SI. Peace and strength to you all.

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

posts: 800   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2013   ·   location: The beach.
id 6611212
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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:08 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Me too! Lots of us old farts around to help. That first year sucked. You can make it though, focus on kids and yourself. I would go to the bathroom to have my breakdown and then lock back in on DS.

You can do this!

Peace to all.

LHAP?

BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2114   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6611257
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20Hopeful16 ( member #40487) posted at 3:57 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Thank you all. It does suck. WH came over and opened gifts with the kids. Then he left to go back to the whore. I just feel so lonely. I know I have my kids, and soon my parents and other family, but I miss my husband. Not my WH, the good one that I had for the first 16 Christmases we spent together.

Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

posts: 107   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2013
id 6611291
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 5:46 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

(((20hopeful16))) Try to enjoy your children and your family today. Your true family who love YOU and choose YOU.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6611388
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 6:06 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

This is my 6th Christmas alone since my D. I'll be seeing my family in a bit, which will be good.

But this evening, I'll be alone at home again.

Thank god for work tomorrow.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6611403
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JerseyCowgirl ( member #41441) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

This is my 2nd. I too so sympathize with those of you with young children. But I truly believe that this time of the year is when those WS's really start to see the ramifications of their actions and finally a little bit of that hurt comes home to roost when they see they no longer have 24/7 access to their children, which we as the BS's figured this out at the onset. You will make your new family traditions and they will be

be good because of the great parents you all showed yourselves to be thru this.

Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

posts: 496   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2013   ·   location: SWFL
id 6611457
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Betteroffnow ( new member #41776) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Thanks for this. As I sit here in our home, 6 months pregnant while my toddler naps, I hate that my cheating husband is on his way to pick him up. This was supposed to me my first really great Christmas with our boy. He finally gets it! The excitement, the happiness, the family time. And two months ago it was all taken from me. Snatched from under my feet before I ever got my first perfect Christmas as a mom. And now, with a divorce in the future, I will never get that perfect Christmas. It eats me up inside.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2013   ·   location: Maryland
id 6611459
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 Jen (original poster member #26584) posted at 7:47 PM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

As a child of D parents I can say you do not need both parents to have that perfect Christmas. Granted my parents D was very amicable, when we went to my dad's for a holiday we were there from start to finish, they didn't split 1/2 day here/there.

Then we got old enough to choose. Soon sports and friends made a difference where we were.

Point is my mom always made it a point to make it feel like the holiday no matter what holiday it was, whether we celebrated it early or late. We made our own traditions and it always felt special.

So many hugs to you all ....

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 6611498
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