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survivor6 posted 12/24/2013 21:49 PM

Just looking to vent tonight I think. So 4 years ago Thanksgiving my exh moved out. Holidays are always hard. But I felt like the last 2 years I was doing a bit better, starting my own traditions etc. This year my exh and affair partner bought a house together less than 3 miles from me, just closed a week ago and I think it's making me extra blah. But tonight,i was celebrating whats become one of my new traditions, a candlelit Christmas Eve dinner w/ my son. And I was feeling good thinking what great memories he'll have for years to come. And then he says to me " this is a nice feast mommy. But grandmas ( exmil) are way better!" I agree with him that she is a good cook. And he says "no not that mommy, but I eat with my cousins, and my daddy, and his girlfriend, and my sort of brother (Ap's son) and we all sit around a big table and its waaaaay better than this."
And there went the last of my Christmas spirit. And I know I'm being childish and need to let it go but I'm just sad right now. I never "fully" get my child. Ever. I feel like he will never have a memory where he isn't missing the parent who's not there.

movingforward13 posted 12/24/2013 22:04 PM


NotFixable posted 12/24/2013 22:05 PM

(((survivor6))) I'm so sorry! I know that hurt and I understand why. As your DS grows, you will make plenty of memories with him that he will keep with him for a lifetime. It's going to get better.

survivor6 posted 12/24/2013 22:14 PM

Thanks for the feedback. I keep trying to remind myself that he will be healthier bc his dad is involved in his life. But when we separated 3 years ago I never anticipated how much the constant idolization, comparing, anecdotes pertaining to his dad would be part of the deal. My son was 2 so he has no knowledge that his dad did anything wrong. It is very hard to heal and move forward when you have to hear how awesome your cheating ex spouse is all the time.

nowiknow23 posted 12/24/2013 22:15 PM

(((((survivor6))))) You're not being childish, honey. It sounds like that comment cut to the core, although I'm sure your son didn't mean it to.

PhoenixRisen posted 12/24/2013 23:17 PM

. It is very hard to heal and move forward when you have to hear how awesome your cheating ex spouse is all the time.

Yep I get this ALL the time. Last month my son even asked if I loved ex's gf! I didn't even know he had one... Now I'm hearing about sleep overs at her house & how great she is, and how much better her house/yard/Xbox/fill in the blank is. I just smile and say "that's nice".
I started keeping a stash of fancy chocolates and he says her name three times I treat myself to a piece!

But, in fairness, he will also say the praise me. its just hard not to put more weight on his praise about my ex (since i know the truth: ex is a master manipulator, NPD, cheating a$$48&)
Bottom line : I take one for the team and realize my son is happy. But it also helps to vent here or text a gf to vent:)

survivor6 posted 12/24/2013 23:23 PM

Thank you phoenixrisen that was SO helpful to hear!!

BrokenDaisy posted 12/25/2013 05:07 AM

(((Survivor))) I can only imagine how much that hurt! I'm so sorry!

I am sure though that someday he will fondly look back at your many candlelit dinners together.

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