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how to deal with christmas gifts

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Rabecca posted 12/25/2013 12:13 PM

I just found out that some of the clothes my WS bought as gifts were not only wrapped by the OW but she helped him pick them out. We are not divorced yet and kids have not met her. I know I can't burn them like I want to but is it wrong to want to hand them back and tell him to return them? This woman is a part of his life not theirs and I don't think it is appropriate to be involving her with anything to do with them. Do I ha e to swallow my pride on this on and just grin and bear it?

JerseyCowgirl posted 12/25/2013 12:46 PM

Afraid so..you may have to swallow your pride. Your STBX and OP may just be pushing your buttons and hoping for you to react. Look at it in a different light-He's already manipulating her into doing his responsibilities.

Rabecca posted 12/25/2013 12:56 PM

I know that if they defy the statistics she will be a part of their lives and there is nothing I can do.no get that and I have to accept that like it or not. It just feels like she is forcing herself into their lives one way or another. I think she is definitely trying to push my buttons. I think he is too foggy to realize how insulting it is to me for him to involve her at all at this point.

Nature_Girl posted 12/25/2013 13:01 PM

Is there any way that the clothes can stay at his house and not be worn at yours?

JerseyCowgirl posted 12/25/2013 13:15 PM

Your children will get lots of gifts from a lot of people and I know how insulting it is to you. You will get past this part.Imagine she is buying gifts for the children that you share with him in a special way. A little piece of you will always be slapping her in the face in the form of your children if she stays in the picture but you will always be the mother and the one your children will always come to. Show this OP what a great mom you are. She can never take your place no matter how many gifts she buys.

Rabecca posted 12/25/2013 14:19 PM

He comes to my house to be with kids. He can't take the kids to where he is staying right now so there is Jo point send I g them there. Right now I have them in a bag in the garage because I was so mad. I figured I was going to have to swallow my pride. It just taste very bitter. I want to be the better person but it is so flippin hard sometimes. I don't want my kids loving this woman just to have things fall apart between the two of them and their little hearts get broken. I honestly don't see them going for the long haul because my WS has not fixed his problems. He already is not fully honest with her.

ruby44 posted 12/26/2013 00:30 AM

Well the good thing is the kids will grow out of those clothes pretty darn quick so if they enter the rotation you may have to wash them 8 times at the most by the time the season is over. I would just make sure they NEVER wear them when he comes to visit. If he asks, they are in the laundry. Don't even bring it up, it does not matter, just keep saying it. They are just clothes. If it is really driving you crazy, ask him for the receipt and go exchange them. Tell him they don't fit. No drama for him just keep writing here.

Dreamboat posted 12/26/2013 08:50 AM

There are a million ways to ruin clothes. I do it all the time by accident, so with a little effort you can get rid of the clothes for good reason. (spill bleach on them, wash white with darks that bleed, fall down in mud, spill red kool aid, ...)

If the clothes are a trigger then do this. If they are not a trigger then no reason to spoil good clothes.

I know it is insulting when your kids get gifts from the AP. I recall one year that all of DD's xmas gifts from X (I think he was WH then) where clearly from the country where OW lived so they clearly came from her. Talk about a ruining xmas for a BS What I did was put them in DD's room and never mentioned them and never asked if she wanted to play with them. I think she played with 1 of the toys once. That was it, because out of site out of mind when you are a kid.

Stay strong

((((hugs)))

Zayda1 posted 12/26/2013 08:56 AM

If your kids don't need the clothes can you give them to charity? If that isn't possible I would have them as play clothes. With any luck they will have a growth spurt and won't fit for long.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

((Rabecca))

Chrysalis123 posted 12/26/2013 11:10 AM

Kids quickly forget what was given to them. If the clothes bother you, keep them in the laundry room. Eventually, I would sell them at a consignment store and use the money to buy the kids a treat or a toy which YOU give to them.

If WS asks tell him they are in the laundry.....you won't be lying.

Eventually this kind of stuff won't bother you anymore. But for right now, you need to take care of you, so you can take care of the kids.

nowiknow23 posted 12/26/2013 11:17 AM

(((Rabecca)))

naivegirl posted 12/26/2013 11:23 AM

How did you find out she bought them and wrapped them? Did he tell you? If so, he did it to get under your skin and I wouldn't bite. I would just act like ti didn't bother me even if it did.

Rabecca posted 12/26/2013 11:30 AM

I asked him. It was very obvious. They were wrapped differently and were full sets (including matching shoes, hair clips and tights for the girls). He is not that coordinated.

Mama58 posted 12/26/2013 11:35 AM

Thankfully, I've never been dealt this s#%t sandwich as my kids are grown. But this will continue, and it's a crappy thing but YOU can't control it.you only get to control you! And it sucks, but imagine the smile in her face when he tells her your reaction to these gifts, a hahaha moment for her, I imagine.Dont give them that, just quietly, one by one, make it all just disappear, and say nothing to him, as you know it will all get back to her, Good luck.

Rabecca posted 12/27/2013 18:47 PM

Well, I am choosing to be strong and not let them win. I swallowed down the pride and dressed the kids in the clothes. I will not let the clothes or those two bozos get the better of me. The idiot didn't get right sizes on some of them anyways so some of them probably will not get worn long.

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