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Newest Member: mess (61872)

User Topic: I'm on to something!
♀ 41705
Member # 41705
Frustrated  Posted: 3:58 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out about the affair 9 days ago, one day before leaving for Europe to have Christmas with family. Since we got here, I have been copied on another email from the OWS in which he tells my WS to back off from his family, that they are working things out. I guess my WS is getting the brush off from OW, who has 3 kids, and is probably feeling guilty for hurting them. They know. My worthless WS sent me an email apology for hurting me a few hours after receiving his Dear John email. The fact that we are having to share a room here in Europe, because hotels are all full stinks! but to send a lame email
I didn't mean to hurt you
, instead of talking is such a cowardly thing to do. I don't think he's worth fighting for. This may be the best thing to happen to me. I'll get my freedom without being the bad guy. Calling an attorney the minute I get back. Anyway, my best friends husband is doing the same WS stuff, my daughter's fatherinlaw is doing the same stuff, too. I think men get some sort of disease that rots their minds and morals. Too bad their penises don't fall off first! Three of the six men here are WS. It's contagious!

[This message edited by Smashedat58 at 4:04 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 178 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you are hurting!

Remember though

I think men get some sort of disease that rots their minds and morals. Too bad their penises don't fall off first! Three of the six men here are WS. It's contagious!

These men are cheating with someone. Infidelity is not just a man's issue. It's a people issue.

I cannot imagine having to be in Europe dealing with this.

Once you get your attorney and get your ducks in a row please see a therapist. If you R or D you need to heal from this pain.

(((hugs))) and strength during this time.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Welcome and very sorry this happened to you. There's lots of us here, and it's the best club you never wanted to join.

I know you're just venting, and likely statistically you hear more about men doing it, but there's a lot of faithful men who became betrayed husbands here, and our stories are also pretty bad. Read some of our stories (men and women). It's a co-ed club here, and we all help each other.

First, go through the Healing library link on the left and read everything, including the 180 on the BS Faq (#11). Work on yourself, see a therapist for yourself and an attorney. I would see the therapist first, he's cheaper and can actually help.

Get this off your chest before the attorney so the attorney doesn't charge you an arm and a leg to listen to things he or she can't help you with. Always remember: Your attorney is not your therapist.

You need the attorney's advise on your options to proceed based on the facts on the ground, not to listen to how evil your husband was (though they will gladly listen and charge you for it, maybe even increasing the hourly rate due to the change in "scope of work" - not just a divorce, a possible lawsuit for X, Y, Z... that's the way they think). The therapist, and us here at this site will gladly listen to you and help you with the venting and the healing.

Be strong for your kids.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
XBH and healing. D final March 2016
Her: Doesn't matter anymore.
DS13 Severe SN. DD11 Awesome

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there. At least, now you know that he is, at this point, only interested in apologies because he got thrown under the bus by his Lurve! That's a lot more than you knew when you found out initially. Just try to bide your time, bond with the other BWs, ignore the POS that you're sharing a room with as much as possible, and get back to your home ground to be grounded enough to figure out what you want. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10206 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 4

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