Sooo I am pissed, angry etc.
DS just came down to ask when dinner would be. I said around 6 why. STBXH wants to pick him up sometime around 6. I said 6 would not work. Dinner is between 6-6:30. (I have 8 people and a baby coming) Tough to time it exactly. I said it would be better if they did something before. He said STBXH said it would be better for him after 6. FTG. I told my son that he should plan on at least an 1.5 to 2 hours for dinner. He goes ok, I will tell dad after 8.
So I'm pissy. And I know I shouldn't be. But STBXH is having his Christmas with his new family and wants to dictate what time it works for him to see his son. I hate him. This is the third Christmas since D-day. First Christmas did not see DS or call him. Second Christmas he did not see him or call him. So now the third Christmas he wants to see him.
I want not to care. I want to not have a broken heart. I want someone in my life. Its days like these I feel so alone.
I should be thankful. My dinner consists of my daughters from previous marriage, their dad, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's daughter. And of course my son and my self and 1 daughter's husband and my new granddaughter. Yep, this is the 2nd year in a row I have spent Christmas with my first X. I know how to do blended families. BUT FTG it will never happen with STBXH because I don't think I will ever get the hate out of my heart.
As a side note I am trying not to upset my DS for wanting to see his father. But my formal dining room looks out to the front of the street. I can just see STBXH drive up and pick up DS and there we are all around the dinner table.
I think I need a drink. I feel so selfish. I hate how I feel, but I can't change it.
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen