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justjim posted 12/25/2013 18:55 PM

It seems that ever since my wife left a month ago, people are coming forward with tidbits of information that that they were unwilling to share with me while she and I were together. Everything from things she was saying about me and our marriage, to places she was seen that didn't make sense.

Then today I am told that my "sweet little goody two shoes" wife who constantly railed against drug use of any kind and was emphatic that she hated the high she experienced from marijuana in her teens... has been smoking pot since at least last February.

Seriously, what would make a 46 year old woman in a management position suddenly start using a substance that she has claimed to hate for 12 years? (The drug use coincides with the beginning of my suspecting an affair due to her radical personality change.)

I am blown away by this news.

NotFixable posted 12/25/2013 19:18 PM

It is amazing how all these little tidbits of information help all the puzzle pieces fall into place. Looking back now, with all the new info I have, I wonder how the hell I didn't see it. It was right in front of my face the whole time, I just refused to look or believe that he'd do it to me again. I even remember questioning several things and he gave me lame answers that I just accepted because it was easier than pressing the issue. Where were these people then? I understand why people don't come forward because I'm sure I probably wouldn't get involved either, but sometimes it's hard not to get pissed at someone when they reveal something that could have helped IF I had known about it at the time. We are better off without these POSs!

P.S. Hell Bitch is a great choice!

gma56 posted 12/25/2013 20:34 PM

I was AMAZED how many family and friends knew or suspected FT's behavior. I felt stupid for not seeing it myself but then realized, I loved him and believed him, Why would I think the life we had together was a lie after we had been a couple for 27 yrs?

The truth was he pretended to be the man he thought I wanted. I never knew what an evil person he truly was/is now. He is a NPD and will never admit fault of any kind for anything he does because in his sick brain, he's entitled.

I'm six years from dday and the few times I've seen and talked with FT, I have no idea who he is and count my blessings I don't know him today.
I don't know if you and your wife will R in the future but you are always goingtoknow her on a different level. You will never look at her the same, I'm not saying she is better or worse but you are going to know much about her true self.
Hugs and this shit hurts..

[This message edited by gma56 at 8:36 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 12/25/2013 20:40 PM

I can relate. I can't count the number of people who told me - once ex & I were separated - about things they knew, thought, suspected or observed. I also found out about drug use. It just kept cascading, the tidal wave of revelations. But in a way I was grateful for it because it kept confirming that divorce was the correct choice of action.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know having your entire world crumble is disorienting & frightening. Hang on, this will eventually slow down and you'll start to get your feet under you.

justjim posted 12/25/2013 20:53 PM

There will be no R. She is so deep into blaming me for everything that she is unwilling to try.

But then, she has been more than willing to tell anyone who would listen about her complaints about our marriage for months...

except me. She never said a single word about being unhappy to me.

gma56 posted 12/25/2013 21:05 PM

She never said a single word about being unhappy to me
I never heard how unhappy FT was either but remember their "happiness" wasn't our burden.

For FT, his lack of happiness in our marriage was just another reason to escape personal blame for his actions. He tells everyone how happy he is now but he's just a sick old man full of insecurities as most NPD WSes .

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