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He managed to hurt all of my kids today!

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PurpleRose posted 12/25/2013 22:03 PM

How talented.

My girls haven't seen him (months for 13, years for 22). When I picked up my son today he had already had "Santa" at the Dooosh's house.

Well, 13's love language is gifts. So she asks her brother what he got for Xmas at dad's house... And he doesn't really want to talk about it much. Says a few little things.

At my house he is opening our family gifts, and his big Santa gift is a tv (he is a big gamer). Well, don't cha know he got a tv at dads! He didn't even unwrap the whole thing before seeing the look on her (13) face, and he is mouthng "I feel bad.."

About his fucking Christmas present!! He tells her he will share it with her even. He now feels guilty for enjoying Christmas! And because he got gifts!!

Then 22 opens a new laptop-- and he says oh cool I got the same thing! Talks a little about his new laptop...

Well 13 just crumbled. :(

She was so hurt. She wanted to know where her presents from her dad were. Why doesn't he give her any when her brother gets a laptop and a tv and all the other stuff he told us!!?? Why doesn't he even care?? Then the angry tears come and she shut down. :(

Just shoot me now.

The worst part is that he doesn't. Even. Get. It. She is sooo far beyond angry with him and has no desire to even speak to him right now, but she is just a very hurt little girl who can only see that her dad - who used to be involved- has dropped her like a hot potato! Asshole.

I can't fix this for her. Or him. Both of my kids were sad. No matter what I do it won't make this better. I've tried. This is the worst. My sweet babies...

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 10:06 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 12/25/2013 22:08 PM

Bastard. Gimee a baseball bat or a broomstick. He needs a whack upside the head. I'm so sorry for your baby girl.

PurpleRose posted 12/25/2013 22:11 PM

So trying to console my boy-- so he knows he can and should enjoy his gifts-- he says dad doesn't give her stuff because she doesn't like him and she won't go visit him.

Nice.

I've been saying all along that if HE is not in control, if someone doesn't play by HIS rules.. He will write you off. Just like his father did years ago.

Bunch of control freak narcissists!!

rainagain posted 12/25/2013 22:11 PM

This is hard not just on dds but also ds. We've been through this. Strength for you to support them.

Know that your unconditional love for them will be what makes them strong and whole.

Much love.

finallymefirst posted 12/25/2013 22:12 PM

That sounds deliberate. "u don't wanna come visit me, u get nothing" and if u were to call him on it he will probably say that he only gave ds presents that can only be used when he visits and since she doesn't visit there is no need to buy her anything. Passive aggressive and vindictive. Sounds familiar... u only get love if u behave "right".

PurpleRose posted 12/25/2013 22:16 PM

Oh it's deliberate all right. He has done this since the beginning. When dd was uncomfortable staying overnight at his new place he decided he couldn't come see her at all- not for dinner, not even just for an ice cream. Nope.

It was either you come spend the night at my house or I cannot pick you up at all.

She got the message right quick. He's a dick. Period.

persevere posted 12/25/2013 22:18 PM

Your XWH is playing a very destructive game and he has no idea yet that it works both ways, and in the end, he will lose. But, sadly, so will they, because they have to deal with the fact that their father is a manipulative asshole.

I'm so very sorry your girl had to deal with that, but she (or you) can't control his selfishness. I feel even more sorry for your boy, as he's been thrown in the middle of it.

I think you have no choice but to focus on the positive - however it conflicts - Christmas is about spending time with those we love and not about the gifts. You may have to have the conversation explaining that her father loves her but he is just so screwed up right now that he isn't handling things well.

I'm so sorry lady.

nowiknow23 posted 12/25/2013 22:20 PM

Lord, I hate that guy, PR. Fiery white hot hate.

(((((PR's poor kids)))))

NotFixable posted 12/25/2013 22:28 PM

I can't even imagine a human being that cold and heartless. What a dickhead!

BAB61 posted 12/26/2013 01:50 AM

Well hayl... what a dirtbag! Give your 13yo a huge (((((((((hug)))))))))) from me. Just tell her I'm an on-line friend who has 14 & 16yo girls who also got NOTHING from their dad. Sounds so familiar....my heart is breaking for her.

tesla posted 12/26/2013 08:42 AM

I'm so sorry, PR. ((((((((Big hugs for 13)))))))

The sad thing is that it's so simple in the doosh's mind. So easy to cut a child out and then hurt her because she won't jump through his hoops.

FTG.

GingerAle posted 12/26/2013 10:25 AM

((((PurpleRose and kids)))) I am so sorry. Thank goodness for you, their wonderful, loving mom.

peridot posted 12/26/2013 17:57 PM

My ex would do this to my kids. If they got anything at all, it was some cheap toy from the Dollar Store. While they watched their step brother get tons of expensive toys. If he didn't have the kids on their birthday, they didn't get a party or gifts either.

One year my son told me, " It's okay, he knows he can always rely on me".

It made me sad for the kids that they have a piece of shit for a dad but proud that I was doing a good job.

He's probably only buying the other two kids expensive stuff as a way to buy the kids attention and trying to get them to come around.

Your poor DD though... he's a sorry piece of shit.

newlysingle posted 12/27/2013 00:29 AM

This breaks my heart. (((PurpleRose and kids)))

wildbananas posted 12/27/2013 02:32 AM

Yep. The younger two bananas haven't seen ex-asshat in months (long story, he told them both they weren't welcome at his house). He texted the 14 year old to say he had presents for them. They were trying to figure how/when to see him (he stood them up last time ) when their stepsister emailed them to say there were no presents for them... but she got an iPod touch.

They were far more hurt that he lied to them.

I totally get it.

(((PR and babies)))

jackie89 posted 12/27/2013 05:24 AM

That is just soooo sad! What a looser!
Lots of hugs to your daughter!

Hate him for you and your DD!

PurpleRose posted 12/27/2013 09:52 AM

wildbananas I'm sorry your bunch had that experience! What in the hell happened to these men to make them such complete assholes towards their own children??

I knew - or at least expected - that he was going to treat me like shit once this bullshit game of his came to light (it's how his mother and sister operate, so he's learned how to treat people from some real fine examples of bitch).

And even though this is exactly how his father treated him and his siblings once he divorced their mother... I honestly didn't see the Dooosh doing that. I should have realized he was unable to fight his genetics. He is absolutely just like them.

Sad for the kids who deal with Doooshbag fathers - and pray mine can learn how to deal with him in a way that allows them to be semi normal.

SisterMilkshake posted 12/27/2013 09:59 AM

Big man hurting children. He must be so proud of himself.

pregnantandsad posted 12/27/2013 11:35 AM

This makes me so sad. Thank goodness she has you.

k8la posted 12/27/2013 11:38 AM

Teach your sons to look after their little sister and protect her from the blatant cruel favoritism their father dishes out to manipulate them and wound her.

They each have a conscience and you've taught them well - that's why they feel bad to receive gifts that sell their souls out to receive at her expense - they see it.

Next step is to make it action. So that their sister knows she is valued and loved and cherished by the best people in her life. Help them figure out ways they can show their love for her.

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