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million tears posted 12/25/2013 22:05 PM

Your Christmas? I went to my inlaws on Christmas eve as usual. My two oldest kids spent the night elsewhere and my 14 yo and WH opened their gifts on Christmas eve night. Today we took our son to another state to stay with his bio mom for a few days. WH and I stopped to see a friend on the way home. I had a slight trigger. We barely spoke on the way home. WH was asleep by 7 pm.

I'm lonely.

NotFixable posted 12/25/2013 22:15 PM

Mine wasn't as awful as I had predicted. It was just my DD and me. I did cry off and on all day, but I had predicted I wouldn't even be able to make myself get out of bed this morning. But, I did! I'm glad it's just about over though. I'm lonely too. ((Hugs))

PinkJeepLady posted 12/25/2013 22:21 PM

I am lonely too. For the past 3 weeks I focused on Christmas fun and really did enjoy the holiday with the kids and grandkids. I have tried to give myself a break from worrying about what WH is/isn't doing.
WH didn't do much but sit here today. I bought and wrapped my own gifts (which were fabulous). I feel ignored and unappreciated. I was hoping for so much more.
We are in separate rooms watching tv. It's a huge let down. I don't think I can go on much longer with him.
I did find much joy in talking, playing and eating with my wonderful family! I am truly blessed in many things, just not with H who will do what it takes to R.
Merry Christmas!

million tears posted 12/25/2013 22:23 PM


I miss being happy at Christmas. I miss the kids being excited. I miss baking and making candy for all of the neighbors. I miss being excited for WH to open his gifts. I miss decorating the house. I just can't seem to do anything I used to do.

I couldn't find a box of my decorations so all our tree has on it is lights and I didn't even buy any. It's ugly. Ugly like I feel inside.

million tears posted 12/25/2013 22:24 PM


jrc1963 posted 12/25/2013 22:27 PM

(((Million Tears))) (((PinkJeepLady))) (((Notfixable)))

My first Christmas/Holidays was two weeks after DDay... DDay was actually on the first night of Hanukkah.

I spent all of December like a zombie.

This is our fourth Holiday season since DDay and it's gotten a lot better. I know it sound cliche but time really does help and it will get better.

marlie2014 posted 12/25/2013 22:35 PM

Hugs to all of you.

I planned a fun day and it was fun...until evening came and I was alone, which was when I broke down. I came on SI before bed because I wanted to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way today.

Thank you all for sharing your grief...I'm sorry you feel like I do, but at least it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

PinkJeepLady posted 12/25/2013 22:39 PM

(((group hug!!!)))
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for all.

cantaccept posted 12/26/2013 02:14 AM

Hi All,

The holidays make everything so much harder. I am glad this one is over and I go to work today.

Christmas in the Twilight Zone.

Christmas Eve - cooked and brought food and gifts to my exhusbands house (1st husband, father of my boys). They did not want to come to my house because of possible drama from "the evil one" and did not want granddaughter exposed.

It was okay, but sad, Christmas eve has always been mine, at my house. I make it special and this was just thrown together. The baby made me smile so that was good.

Christmas Day - went to the parents home of a friend, did not know anyone but her. It was nice but felt like an observer. They must have thought I was odd. I fell asleep sitting up on the couch! How embarrassing! They were all very nice but it is hard to pretend and smile when your world is in a million pieces.

This was my 2nd Christmas in bizarro world. Last year was 2 months after dday #1 and this year was 5days after dday #2.

Just glad it is over.

I think I will just stay home alone for a couple of weeks. I don't think I am ready to be out in the real world yet. It just seems to emphasize how deep the pain is.

Peace and strength


Ostrich80 posted 12/26/2013 03:44 AM

Mine was decent. In laws Christmas eve, my family today. Ws was on good behavior. Only had 2 hits of sadness. First one at 640 am when ws messaged ow in the bathroom. I know I shouldn't have looked but yea I did. 2nd one was walking in on ws and my grandaugjter in the middle of a tea party with her knew toys. It was just so sweet seeing him scrunched down on the little chair with a tea cup in his hand. Sweet but bittersweet...makes me sick that we will D in the future. My choice, but still sad that he's forcing my hand.

lostandhopless posted 12/26/2013 09:11 AM

Mine was very hard all through Tuesday and Yesterday, But did things for my family and as annoying as they were their intentions were in the right place, trying to keep me busy so I wouldn't dwell on everything for at least 1 day. I managed to get through the feeling of hopelessness, loss, regret, and self pity..
then went out with BIL and my sister last night, ran into a lot of people and friends of both myself and WW. All I can say is HOLY crap!!! I thought I knew about most of what the 2 worst people I have ever met did. Nope, I was wrong.
Instead of having some decency and being just a little bit discreet they have been all over town. none of our close friends know what is going on and all think everything is my fault. that's bad enough, even though what they have done is not my secret to keep, I don't really want to tell everyone, more for myself then for her. I don't want the pity, and the looks, I know will come. Also I don't think many of our friends will believe that she could or would be capable of this. But Everyone one in town seems to know a lot more about my WW than I ever dreamed.
Wow, so this morning I am angry, it's not rage, just anger that she could do this to me, with THAT....

StillLivin posted 12/26/2013 09:30 AM

I spent Christmas with my brother and pets. All of them love me so unconditionally.
I got the most thoughtful gifts from my brother that I've received in years. It made me almost cry. I hung on by a thread though.
Wow, all these years married, and as soon as my STBXH leaves for the other woman, I get a thoughtful gift, and it was from my brother!!
My pets snuggle mugged me. Then I spent the day baking. I drove to the Army base and dropped off a container of baked goodies, and then I dropped off another container to the border patrol folks.
The house smelled fantastic all day.
I was only sad twice for about 10 minutes, yesterday. Just a few tears, and they were quickly brushed away.

WhatsRight posted 12/26/2013 09:51 AM

I spent every minute of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my WH.

I was lonely the entire time.

Holly-Isis posted 12/26/2013 10:15 AM

Another lonely one. MrH really doesn't know me. Not only did he not get a single gift I would actually want (except what I explicitly said I wanted) but a couple he got I've said in the past I actively dislike.

Now he's got a stomach bug and I'm triggered back to first Christmas after d-day. He was also curled up in the bath trying to get relief from a stomach bug then too. I saw him and walked away. All I could think is how much pain he's seen me in for 7yrs and hasn't taken an active part in helping to relieve that pain.

Christmas Eve he came to me because he was upset about one of the cats scratching on his chair. He said he didn't want feedback, just wanted his feelings heard. So I listened and inwardly I seethed because no matter how much I beg to have my feelings heard he corrects me. He doesn't do the guy thing of solving my problem, he corrects me and tells me why my feelings are wrong.

No wonder he doesn't know me enough to buy me a single gift. He's taught me to STFU over the past few years. This is NOT what M is supposed to be.

cancuncrushed posted 12/26/2013 10:21 AM

not so great. H and I started fighting over 2 company parties, just before. We were not speaking after that. We have agreed to not purchase presents for each other, for many years, ( so the kids can have a good christmas)I feel embarrassed, unloved, and lonely during gift time. Now its just enabling H. I fixed dinner for all, and DD was 2 hrs late. ANd had already eaten. Food was not so great by then. I found myself in the backyard, taking out trash, crying and hiding. Next year will be different. Less gifts, less work, and more consideration for me. Something has to change. I cant handle feeling unloved after the A.

selkiescot posted 12/26/2013 10:49 AM

Alright. Very tiring. WH got made a wonderful gift.
I got him Captain Kirk pjs. A vieled insult LOL
I am exhausted and need to rest for about year. Best Wishes to all my SI friends and family.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 10:52 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]

nowiknow23 posted 12/26/2013 12:03 PM


Whalers11 posted 12/26/2013 12:05 PM

I don't celebrate Christmas anymore. It's just another day for me. Would have been happy to go to work if we weren't closed.

Jesu posted 12/26/2013 19:12 PM

Spent Xmas Eve with my family.

Spent Xmas Day just the 2 of us, at a nice hotel resort with a pool, spa...saw no friends or family. Just enjoyed each other, made love, focused on us. WSO was great and took care of me in every way, very lovingly. No gifts were exchanged. This was intentionally prearranged by me. Instead we bought tickets to a NYE event for the both of us.

Spent Boxing Day with her family.

It was almost perfect. Best Xmas I've had in a long long time!

nekorb posted 12/26/2013 20:43 PM

Better than I expected. I didn't cry, we had a nice day together with the kids and later on extended family.

He is crabby today...I've barely seen him yet he seems mad at me.

I hate when he is mad at me.

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