(((Soverysad))))
Honey what you are feeling and going through is normal. Unfortunately I fear that you are just at the very beginning, and there will be many more lies, and broken promises. You need to prepare yourself for this.
It sucks, it's not fair, and it shouldn't have happened, but it did, and is. So now you need to realize a few things.
1. YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS - No matter what he says and no matter how he rewrites your relationship, this is just excuses for his brokenness. And even though he says he wants to R, and is relieved it's out in the open and over, he is still broken, he still has crappy coping skills, and will fall back into old ways, and comfortable habits when things aren't going swimmingly.
2. YOU DESERVE MORE - No one deserves to go through this, and yet many of us do. But the interesting thing is many of prior to Dday, and R didn't demand the respect we deserved, we did whatever our spouse asked for happily, and found much our happiness came from our spouses happiness. This is a flawed system, and ends up making us terribly co-dependent. YOU are responsible for your own happiness, and HE is responsible for his own as well, and that's where the void, and the need for the added attention comes from.
Until you demand the respect you deserve you won't get it, it won't matter how remorseful he is or isn't. Until you find your inner strength, and know that with or without him you will happy, whole, and fufilled, you will be willing to put up with too much crap.
3. Now you know it was physical, and despite whatever he told you the one thing you know for sure is HE IS A LIAR AND A CHEAT. In that vein if he says he used protection you can't believe him, if he says they had safe sex you can't believe him. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - Get yourself into the Dr and get tested for STD's. If he is serious about R he too needs to get tested, and you need to see the proof that he is clean, not just his word of it, but the results from the lab.
While you are getting tested if you are having doing the big three, staying hydrated, eating and sleeping, then talk to the Dr about it, and get something to help you. They will not judge you, and they will help you through this tough spot in life. Believe it or not this is something they see every day.
4. You will see often here the phrase "Trust but verify". I personally disagree with this, as I attempted this route initally, and had my H break NC multiple times, and I strongly encourage to live by this simple phrase - "Do NOT trust Verify, Check up, Snoop, DO NOT believe your spouse, until you verify things a gazillion times and know for a fact that they are not lying before you start to trust again."
The harsh reality of the situation is they have proven one thing, and that is they cannot be trusted, and to be willing to trust again so soon ends up hurting the BS. If the WS is earnest in their efforts to repair the M they will get that you don't trust, and will certainly understand the need to verify. They will help you to rebuild the trust they broke. If not then they are not seriously attempting to R.
Keep reading the healing Library, keep reading here, and keep posting.
We are over 40,000 strong of been there done that, we have a lot of experience, and knowledge amongst us.
((((and stregth)))