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My story. Just breathing is hard now.

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Mar2003 posted 12/25/2013 23:57 PM

I just need to tell my story so I know it's real, that this is now my reality. I've been married for 10 years and together 13.
My husband first cheated on me in 2008. I was very sick that year, had 3 surgeries and was unsure if I would make it. I knew something was off and finally caught him talking to her on his cell phone. I was devastated, I started crawling on my knees for him to stay. I have 3 kids and I had no idea what to do. He stop the affair 3 weeks later but would not commit to me or our family. Anger and determination became the new me and I left. I had a little house and started living, or trying too. One month to the day after I left I get the worst phone call, your husband has been in a car wreck, has broken his neck and is being life flighted :(! Needless to say I dropped and ran to the hospital. He was very hurt and I could not leave him like that. Not one person, no friends, no family or OW ever came. I took him home with me, he was in a halo and needed help. For the next 3-4 months he'll is what my house became. For everything he had done I had 5 more I wanted to punish him for. We started counseling and one night while watching a movie I has like okay God I'm done, that I either forgave or he needed to go, he had gotten back on his feet by then. He left and two weeks later he must of had his God moment because he was sitting on my porch on his knees saying I'm sorry.
Life started and in late 2009 we moved 1500 miles away from my home, family to relocate for his job. Day by day year by year it was so much better, better than before. Kids grew up, 2 are now adults (kids are mine from previous relationships). In our new state his job was good and I had started a new career and had a great job.
New D day 12-23-2013
I had checked my FB profile back in August and had read my other file in messages- were all the crap goes. Some lady had been messaging since March saying she was fucking my husband and that I was stupid. That she has videos and he was such a good lover. My heart stopped like not again, not now. I woke him up and showed him, he said IDK. I wrote her back, said who the fuck is this. The next day she messages me back and says OMG did you get a message from me, that her account had been hacked and I was the fifth person who she had to apologize too. So I let it go.
My husband works 4 weeks on and two weeks off. Of the four weeks I only see him maybe 4-5 times.
I felt we were so strong, we had seen hell and dug our ways back out. Had built something ever better than what we had.
My husband has a drinking problem which has always been a source of fighting between us. He had another wreck this year in January and a DUI in April. He started counseling without me asking and goes faithfully once a week. The drinking stopped. I have seen a different man, better than ever. He was working on all his issues.
I was at Walmart doing last minute shopping and "ping" my phone goes off. It's a message on FB.
You are so stupid, lmfao
Your husband and me have been together, we met one year ago today.
He loves you dearly and loves his counseling.
Me: I think your account has been hacked again.
OW - nope. It's all true !
We write back and forth and she tells me things no one else could no and tells me she has a juicy video she thinks I would like to see.
I didn't play her game. I told her I was not hurt and I didn't need more friends and that it's Christmas and I'm busy so good bye! And I blocked her.
I call him 134 times and finally he answers. Yep it's true. He met her online and had sex with her (unprotected) and had an EA for a couple of weeks.
He said after the DUI that he decided to change everything. That he broke contact and started being better
But he never told me! And this is how I found out! She wouldn't leave him alone and since he wouldn't text her back she told me.
It's Christmas , I want to fall apart but I can't! Maybe it's a good thing maybe it's not. We had to sit here all together today and I think it went well. The kids do not no! He had to leave for work so now I sit here alone in my room and now the feelings are so overwhelming. I have major chest pains, breathing is so hard.
Have I been that stupid for so long? I have seen so much change.
Sorry I no my story is long I just can't stop.
I don't no what to do?

TrustedHer posted 12/26/2013 00:11 AM

I know breathing is hard, but you need to do it.

Everything is going to be hard for a while. Just realize that there's only so much you actually need to do.

What you need to do is breathe, drink water, and eat a little bit. Sleep if you can, rest if you can't sleep.

Spend some time reading in the Healing Library. The link is in the box at the upper left of your screen.

If the chest pains continue, please call 911. Stress can really do a number on our health.

Crushed1 posted 12/26/2013 00:18 AM

Hi and hugs (((Mar2003))). I'm sorry you had to find out such horrible news during the holidays, but this kind of news is awful no matter when you receive it.

If your chest pains become severe please go to the ER and get that checked out!

Do you believe there has been no contact since your H told you it had stopped? I wouldn't listen to her, she's out for vengeance and trying to destroy you, so keep her blocked. This is between you and your H, so put her out of the picture.

Take care.

FightingBack posted 12/26/2013 00:18 AM

No, you weren't stupid. You were devoted and strong and hopeful. I'm so sorry this has happened to you - again. I really can't understand how anyone can do this twice to the person they love. Everyone makes poor decisions, but making the same choice after knowing how much pain it causes is just cruelty.

I'm so very sorry (((((((Mar2003)))))))

Hang in. You can and will get through this. You did before and you are even stronger now. This is a chance to decide what YOU want.

Mar2003 posted 12/26/2013 00:25 AM

I do believe he had ended it with OW and started his counseling. He had become a very good husband and great father. More engaging, more love able, less angry. He says that the A started December 2012 and ended around March .
So my question I got a great husband now but he had failed to mention about the A and then he knew she has looking up my FB be should of told.

wanttogoforward posted 12/26/2013 08:26 AM


I know that feeling... the one of having your heart ripped out and your being so off balance that things will never be the same. The heart, I have heard, can literally break. I think mine did too.

If you feel you don't have all the answers to your questions then start to write them down. Ask for a timeline to get some perspective. Don't let him off the hook for his actions. He did this and he needs to be truthful and responsible for what he has done.

Hang in there... it will get better... just takes A LOT of time and hard work for both of you.

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