BS - Me
I know, we can't control what we dream about. I've had all the usual dreams about his AP's, confrontations, him continuing to cheat, affairs I didn't know about, etc. Horrible. Thankfully I haven't had one in awhile.
Sometimes I will have dreams though that *I* have decided to cheat on him. Lately they have been more frequent even. They are often graphic dreams too.
This is bothering me. Again, I know I can't control what I dream about. However, aren't dreams a part of your subconscious coming out? Of course, I've *thought* about a RA for like 5 seconds, but I would not do it. I could not inflict that kind of pain on my husband regardless of what he's ever done to me. I could not do that to myself, I respect myself too much. I couldn't do it to my children.
But does this mean a small part of me subconsciously wishes that I could have an affair? WHY?
I mean things have been going VERY well with my husband. We had a bump in the road back in November when he lost his job, they said it was due to harassment (touching employees on the back) and it was like a repeat of DDay2. I freaked, but after an investigation, he was found INNOCENT. (His ex boss set him up). The way he handled everything was a complete 180 of DDay2. He has an even better job now and I was able to gain more trust in him because he did not lie to me about anything and was 100% up front about everything and then when the investigation closed and it was determined that there was no cause for him being fired I was actually happy because it validated that he has changed significantly.
So WHY am I dreaming about cheating on him? He's doing EVERYTHING right. He's becoming the man I always knew he could be. He's here for me in every way possible. He's becoming an amazing father. I'm so beyond in love with this new man. Yes, I still have my scars, I'm only a year and a half out from DDay2, 2 1/2 years from DDay1, but I'm healing steadily.
So WHY am I dream cheating on my husband???
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking