I AM SO MAD. HE is not bringing her back until TUESDAY. This uses up the rest of Christmas vacation that I could have spent with DD. And I have no recourse....at least not that I know of. I called my attny, but she hasnt called back.
WTF?? Can he just take her without me agreeing??
Do you have a parenting plan in place -- any temporary orders?
This^^^. If you don't have any legal orders in place, then yes, he can take her as he is her legal parent too.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:51 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Meanwhile, pursue your lawyer and if she's not going to be a shark, get one that is. Something concerns me about how this man is possessive over your DD. He's basically a stepfather, and while I know the bond can be strong, but his actions just seem off. Not one of father and daughter, but of man and possession.
Also, document everything he's done to this point and from here on out.
Unfortunately, if there is no temp orders in place, then he is still her LEGAL dad and can do this.
But I'm with pregnantandsad and would encourage you to keep trying to contact your attorney.
((((lisaloo)))
Breathe
What a complete asshole.
I'm so sorry lisaloo.
Failing that, put gas in the car and drive to whwerever he's taken her and get her back.
He is creepy. Like, the kind of creepy my ex is creepy.
That's what I'm saying. Do what you can to cut all ties from this man.
He lied. He kidnapped her. He may still be lying..you have NO reason to believe him..he may not plan on bringing her back.
Im so sorry. if you get her back, do NOT let him have her again..not until you've seen a judge.
Im so angry for you, Im shaking.
You need to make those calls...RIGHT NOW, honey.
(((((lisaloo and DD))))))
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I have a feeling you're underreacting right now because of the abusive relationship you've had. I was the same way when I was still in the marriage and for a period of time after we separated. Sometimes people, particularly my IC, had to strongly kick me firmly in the seat of my pants to get me moving. They could see things that I only dimly saw. I was so accustomed to being powerless, helpless and accommodating.
Honey, take some action about this. Right now. Blow up your lawyer's phone with calls & texts. Call a DV hotline. Call your mom & dad and ask for their immediate help & support in getting your daughter back. Okay?
Get on the phone NOW with attorney, parents, DV Helpline -- anybody and everybody!
Has your attorney called you back yet?
I'm concerned that your STBX is going to go for an emergency hearing in whatever state he's taken your daughter to. He'll claim you're an unfit mother and the judge, who doesn't know you, will go along with it.
Show him that you will react. You will call the police and make a report even if they tell you that it isn't illegal. You will blow up your lawyer's phone. You will call his family and tell them that you are getting the police involved b/c he is violating your current agreement and you expect them to make DD available for your pick up.
Do not let this slide. Do not be frozen by fear into not reacting. You are setting the standard. You are showing him how this shit will go or not go, as the case may be.
If you sit by and allow him to get away with this without your doing your best to fight it, what will he try next time? Give him an inch and you know he will take the mile.
Get angry. She is your DD. Do not let him bully you.
Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923
"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne
I spoke to the cops, and because we have no actual orders in place yet, its a civil matter...
I spoke to my attny, and legally, he has every right to take her. There is nothing I can do about it. NOTHING.
On the bright side, my attny says that 1) since he is using the parenting clause to justify his trip, that he has unknowingly admitted that he is the noncustodial parent, which by default means that he has admitted that I am the custodial parent. 2) his deception regarding this trip will not look good for him in court, as he is setting a precedent of manipulating and lying, as opposed to trying to actually work with me. 3) Apparently his attny contacted her office on the 23rd and wants to discuss a settlement. My attny believes that once his attny got our response to his counterfile, that they realized they are not in the position to fight that they thought they were in...My attny does not think that joint custody is in the best interest of my daughter, and said that she will just state from the get go that if that is one of the terms, that we will not negotiate...
and finally...I found the adoption papers...read through them, and STBXH started the adoption process while we were separated the LAST time he did this shit. Apparently it is not common to do that? My attny wants the adoption papers asap...doesnt yet know what she can do with them, but she is going to start looking.
I know I have been ending a LOT of my posts with this lately, but still... Divorce sucks.
I am soooo sorry that you can't do anything about this legally.
Please get anything you can to your attorney n the adoption. Dates of when the paperwork was filled out -- not just the final decree. I don't know everything involved with step-parent adoption, but did he have to fill out a social history form? Any visits with a Social Worker -- we had to do all that and more when we adopted and even the "quick" one took a couple of months before the birth and 6 months after placement to finalize. I know there are differences in a step-parent adoption -- but if you can show he started the process during a separation, then I don't think that bodes well for him.
Please ask your attorney to write up temporary paperwork -- that should cover you until you negotiate and settle on the permanent arrangements.
And get those negotiations going ASAP!!!!!
Have you spoken with your daughter at all? How is she handling being gone til Tuesday?
