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Telling reactions to triggers

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JustAShadow posted 12/26/2013 15:37 PM

Monday night I got to trigger over 3 things that could have meant he had done something with his AP. Post-trigger I was able to determine that he had told the truth and nothing happened (at least what I thought had happened...had not)

The fact that I ended up being wrong was the only good part. The bad is that I get:

* no support/empathy/understanding from H through the trigger (a simple 'I understand how it looks but it's not what it looks like' would have been nice)
* "You checked my wallet? I don't need to tell you where I spent my money. I'm getting my own bank account."
* "You should talk to your therapist about this not me" (said angrily...because my distrust of him is so "irrational" since he's not lying TODAY)
* "Stop playing the victim and attacking me. You aren't a victim"
* "Great - you ruined Christmas." (Um, we don't have kids and Christmas literally has no meaning for you other than being a couple of days off of work)

In contrast when just a week before he 'triggered' in the sense that I asked him to take a screen grab from his phone and he did not want to do it because he thought it was me tricking him into doing something that would 'compromise' his phone. I googled the instructions so that he could see that the instructions I told him were exactly for what I was asking of him (screen grab of a text).

On Tuesday, I sent him an email outlining the similarities of the two situations. Each of us distrusted the other. Each party (in both situations) got frustrated and angry.

In my email I outlined the differences - one being that I brought up (without his asking) proof of the instructions and what the were for. But his was to get offended at my distrust, blame ME for distrusting him, and generally be defiant. For my part I didn't say "I'm sorry" directly but I did say that it appears he was telling the truth and I wish I could have trusted him.

His response to the email? No acknowledgement at all. Get out the broom and sweep it up.

So yeah, he may not be spending time with his AP but certainly none of this points to anything good in our relationship.

[This message edited by JustAShadow at 3:40 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

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