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heforgotme (original poster member #38391) posted at 10:13 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
I had an appointment with my oncologist. And as I sat there alone, as i always did, I thought about things. About how he didn't care when I had cancer. About how nooone sat in the waiting room alone but me. Everyone had someone to care about them. Except for me. I went through it alone.
I have another appt. tommorrow and he wants to go. And I think, what's the point? I'm better now. But when i was scared, really terrifies, and hurting.......my "husband" was nowhere to be found.
He was too concerned with getting drunk and having "FUN"
Just a pity party I guess. He's different now. But that's who I was dealing with at the time. And omg how it hurts......
D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 10:42 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
lostcovenants ( member #40637) posted at 10:43 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
(((Heforgotme))) 
DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered
RipsInMyChest ( member #41166) posted at 11:06 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
((((Heforgetme)))) I am so sorry for all of your pain and loneliness.
I too feel alone. I haven't faced cancer, so I can't imagine...but both of my parents are dead at a young age and I am an only child. I frequently cry and feel alone in this world. But I also know I am strong and can rely on myself to get through things no matter what.
You are brave and strong.
[This message edited by RipsInMyChest at 5:07 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]
Me: BW 43 (39 at DDay 1)
FWH 43 (39 at DDay 1) (RibsInHerChest)
Together 23 yrs, M 20, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Massive TT due to poly: 1/4/2015 full blown EA/3 week PA
Didn't use condom, I got chlamydia.
Reconciling
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:40 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
Kap12 ( member #41759) posted at 1:36 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
I can relate to how you feel but I know now I didn't communicate well enough that I needed him there with me. Sometimes you have to literally spell it out for them.
Dreamland ( member #40488) posted at 4:03 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
Oh my dear. How I feel for you.
Sending many many huggs HUGGSSS
Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore
Afraid2LoveAgain ( member #11185) posted at 4:37 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
(((Heforgotme)))
I am also a survivor. My Un-ex and I were already divorced when I was diagnosed. He wasn't there for me--wasn't even told until my daughter let it slip.
But that is all in our past. We are together now, forever. We are even planning to remarry on what would have been our 35th anniversary. He goes with me for the semi-annual exams and wouldn't have it any other way.
Don't linger on the bad past. Look to your happy future. I have the same thoughts as you are experiencing. But I push them away. They are not yours or mine's reality.
We beat cancer! We can sure as hell beat infidelity triggers.
More hugs!
BW -- 58
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 5:00 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
I am very sorry you had to go through those times alone ((hfm)). But like the title of your post - today - try to stay in today, or rather, in the moment and focus on who your spouse is today. I suppose if you would rather go solo, then do so. But if you really do want him there then let go and have him by your side. It would also be good for him to sit there and imagine what it would have been like for you to be there alone. Yet another eye-opener for him
I am glad you are well.
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
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