SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

I love this site. I have been combing the articles, FAQ's and posted a few times. I feel so much better knowing my feelings arent abnormal, have others to relate to and getting inside the mind of other WS.
I told my H about the site because I thought he needed these same things from his end. He needed to see what he's put me through and how other BS feel and that I'm not crazy. (Since he often says in a loving way "I know you're crazy right now..." Which I flipping hate. I know he doesn't literally think I'm crazy but pick another word!)
But then after telling him about the site I thought... Ah god I don't want him to see everything I write. Sometimes I am just trying to vent and figure things out. But I understand he needs to know these things, it's probably good that he sees these levels. We have never been good at communicating with each other. I automatically feel a bit less free with my words knowing he is on here. Self! Pay attention! Grow and communicate fully if considering R.

[This message edited by Roxyme765 at 4:14 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

You and your WH need to set some ground rules regarding this site such as:

*Will you know each other's user names?
*Will you read each other's threads?
*Will you be able to *respond* to each other's threads (this can especially get touchy).

In short, set some boundaries for each other so that it doesn't end up being a mess for either of you. Many couples use the site successfully, but I have seen many lose ground because no *rules* were established within the couple.

When my H (FINALLY) joined SI, I told him that anything I posted in Recon, OT or F&G was safe for him to read and post on. But anything in General was "read at own risk."

I also told him that Wayward would be his safe place if he needed it, and I would only read his posts if he wanted me too. It was a long time before either of us ever posted on each other's threads.

Just figure out the boundaries you need and show each other respect.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:29 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

Setting the "rules" beforehand is a very smart idea. My WH joined without telling me, he signed up at work and the mods didn't recognise the IP address. I found out when I was reading in the Wayward forum and suddenly found myself reading my own story!

I was feeling pretty much ripped to shreads by some WSes that were replying in his thread. I can't really blame them though, when all they had to go on were half-truths (and some outright lies)

It's difficult to see people so quick to form a negative opinion of you when they don't have all the data.

[This message edited by Want To Wake Up at 6:36 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

WTWU, I experienced that from the other side. My WW read my posts and saw some responses that were less than generous. In fairness, I was only posting my side of the story and only focusing on what bothered me. I vented and sometimes lost faith and now that becomes another set of hurt feelings we have to work through. What I want her to get out of it, is the pain I feel, the serious desire to reconcile, the signs of hope and efforts I see from her, that I take all advice with a grain of salt, and the love I still feel for her.

I could see how this could be a touchy situation. I don't want my ws here. This is my place. Good advice up there _^^^^ all about establishing rules and respecting each others.

I have to agree with Lucky2's advise about setting boundaries. I told my WW after I had found the site and been posting here about it. She flipped at some of the things I'd posted. She said basically it was no one else's business, but I think it was more a matter of she doesn't want others judging her for what she did. One good thing that did come out of her reading what I'd posted though, was she finally gave me a timeline of the A's which I'd been asking for and she'd been refusing to give me. Of course in the post she read where I was complaining she wouldn't do it, I mentioned D, and that's the last thing she wants.

Definitely set boundaries, and tell him that if he wants to ignore them, that what he reads, he reads at his own risk.

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 9:20 AM, December 27th (Friday)]