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Frankie80 posted 12/26/2013 17:48 PM

We are in a rota with H's family for Xmas dinner, this year was our turn so less than 4 months from Dday I had 12 members of his family-who know nothing about his affair-here.
Long story short his father was taken ill after dinner and ended up in hospital where they have diagnosed a minor heart attack.
Obviously this is awful, I love his parents dearly.
But, I'm really struggling to support him and be positive for him. I thought something like this would make me forget what's happened for a bit or at least distract me from it, but it's really not working like that. My MIL is staying with us and I feel like a stranger in my home. I can't talk with him about my feelings or openly be upset. And on top of all that I feel so selfish and mean for just wanting everyone out of my house instead of having to look after everyone. Our 6 month old is teething so I'm getting next to no sleep, then having to put on a happy positive face everyday. Feel like I'm going mad. I love my H and want to be there for him. It's just such hard work I don't know how to cope

[This message edited by Frankie80 at 5:53 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

Jrazz posted 12/26/2013 17:57 PM

Crazz's grandfather died 3 days after DDay. I had to hold my infant daughter on my lap in the home as his grandfather passed, and console not only WH but his family who had kicked me in the teeth every opportunity they had.

Looking back, I'm glad I tried to offer support even though I was in a tornado of emotion. That's the kind of person I want to be - unconditionally compassionate.

You don't have to be there for him, but if you have any compassion to offer I support you trying to offer it. This is likely going to compound your feelings instead of distract you... whatever you do be kind to yourself and know that you can only do what you are able to right now. It doesn't make you any less of a person if you need some space.

(((Frankie80)))

Frankie80 posted 12/26/2013 18:29 PM

We were doing really well and I was really looking forward to spending some quality time together as a family, I guess I'm disappointed on top of everything else that my plans have been spoiled. I feel like such a horrible person for thinking like that!
I can't help thinking things like " if I hadn't discovered his affair would he have been texting OW from the hospital too?".
I'm just so tired from it all and could do with a break from all the emotion, it's just one thing after another.
But what you said about unconditional compassion, I have alway felt I was like that too and would hate to look back on this in a years time and feel bad for not being there for him. Thanks for the support