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NotFixable posted 12/26/2013 18:06 PM

Every day I find out something else about my STBXPOS that I can't believe I was so damned blind that I couldn't see. Today it was about OW from several years ago. Apparently, he used to take her kid to work with him because he works on a ranch and kids love that kind of stuff. He ignored our own DD to take this woman's kid and spend time with her. My DD would have killed to get to go to work with dad. WTF??? He had convinced this woman he was leaving me for her, but he dropped her like a hot potato as soon as he got caught. This is a very small town and people actually saw him with this kid and nobody ever said anything to me. Why does something that happened years ago bother me now you ask? Well, for Christmas yesterday, my DD received a text from POS telling her Merry Christmas and he hoped Santa had been good to her. That's it! He didn't even ask to see her, and he's right here in town, and he didn't get her a gift. He can treat other people's kids good, but not ours? Ok, I should add that DD has been ignoring all of his texts since he moved out. She had told him if he left us for this other woman that she never wanted to see him again and she hates him. But she's only 11. She was hurt, and needed some time, but he's still her dad and I've tried reasoning with her not to shut him completely out of her life. If he put any effort into a relationship with her, she'd come around. Am I overacting to this new bit of news? His current MOW has a kid, too. I wonder if he's been spending time with that kid too. This just pisses me off so bad!!!

ItHappened2Me2 posted 12/26/2013 18:15 PM

I'm sorry NotFixable -- he really is a POS.

It bothers you because you love your daughter. It bothers you because it's Christmas. And it would piss me off too.

I try -- I mean I really do try -- to let the past be in the past. But there are times (too many) that the past hits us in face. I'm sorry this is one of those times for you.

All I can offer is virtual (((HUGS))).

[This message edited by ItHappened2Me2 at 6:17 PM, December 26th (Thursday)]

Nature_Girl posted 12/26/2013 18:18 PM

That would piss me off, too.

ButterflyGirl posted 12/26/2013 20:02 PM

Ah yes, the remembering of something that was "off" or "weird" at the time, and now it all makes perfect fucking sense. Assholes.

It seems to me too that my STBX cares more about OW's son than his own sons. And the bitch probably loves it that way.

I'm done confronting him when I think of more things he did that were fucked up. He hasn't really said sorry for the things I know about, so I'm sure not gonna get anything from him for new stuff I learn or figure out.

You know what's really sad? Some kids have 2 parents that don't give a shit. At least ours have at least one good one.

Hugs..

BAB61 posted 12/26/2013 20:20 PM

I hear ya about that ... I keep thinking of things and "oh, that's why he did that/said that/didn't do that/ etc." makes me so freaking mad I could spit nails!

The assholes are spiting themselves with their selfish ways ... my 2 girls have no desire to see him or talk to him. pos!

I agree that our kids have at least 1 good, concerned and loving parent .... and that is better than some.

wontdefineme posted 12/26/2013 21:07 PM

My 16 yr old DS won't talk to his dad. He is in counseling cause he has to, but is just waiting until he turns 18 until its over. He is well adjusted and ii always check to make sure if he changes his mind. Ours kids hurt like we do and just like us sometimes nc is the way for them to deal with rejection. My other two see their dad, but they rug sweep what he did send who he is. Which is the worst? I think my youngest will confront his dad when he has the maturity to not be controlled and manipulated.

A wise friend once told me that if these scumbags treat their flesh and blood bad, then it is easy to crap all over us.

ButterflyGirl posted 12/26/2013 21:18 PM

I think the ones I remember that piss me off the most are ones where we were fighting, and I had no idea why. I couldn't figure out what the problem was, he was being so mean and cruel to me, and I was trying to figure out what *I* was doing wrong, when really he probably just wanted some time with OW or to somehow justify what he was doing to himself. Maybe it was getting too hard to lie to her, and if we were fighting, it made it easier for him to keep his lies straight.

But, I think I thread jacked... I don't think you are overreacting NotFixable. In fact, whoever told you that this happened, and had been keeping it a secret for years, I don't think that person is your friend. I dropped EVERYONE that knew and didn't tell me.

I'm sure it's hard given that you're in a small town, and it can feel very violating and isolating that some people sort of took his side by keeping it quiet, but do NOT feel bad about this. It sucks feeling naive, but now that you're not, show everyone how strong you are and that you don't put up with low life men or friends. I certainly don't want to associate with anyone that can look me in the face and not tell me something so important.. And telling me stuff after the fact? A little too late I'm afraid, buh bye to them..

Hugs to you..